WATCH THE CANOPY!

I suppose I could have written this post a week ago, or a month ago for that matter. Growing up with three sisters takes away a lot of the surprises when dealing with women. I was a fly on the wall in a sorority house for the first 18 years of my life.

Towards the end of last week I was getting a weird vibe from Kay. She would try to distance herself a bit one day, then the next she would say something like "Hey a great band is playing at the 9:30 club at the end of October, I got us tickets". Then she would go radio-silent for a few days again. It was emotionally draining. I have never experienced so much second-guessing.

Things really got strange when I got home from my trip, she would return my calls late at night and not leave messages. I took it as a sign she was avoiding me. On Wednesday I sent Kay a message asking what she wanted to do this weekend and never heard back from her. I knew with the utmost certainty that it was over, she had met someone else.

Wednesday afternoon one of the VP's in my office dropped off four great tickets to the Nats game against the Dodgers. Since I wasn't getting any replies from Kay I shot Bear a text asking her if she wanted to go. Within minutes my phone beeped. I was hoping it was a message from Kay, but it said "Bear: Yes! Logistics?". To be honest, I thought I could ignore what was going on with Kay and just get a beer and a hot dog with Bear at a ball game.

The game was fun, then we stopped at Lola's for a drink afterwards. I had walked from my house to the stadium and back to Lola's, and my ribs were really killing me, I needed a break. Bear and I had a few beers, then someone next to us ordered shots of Patron. I gagged a little at the mere smell of it. Bear saw me and without hesitation yells across the bar "Two more of those, chilled!". I thought "OK, now she's getting me drunk. Just a beer, and a hot dog, and a shot. Nothing more..." We did the shot and had another beer. The bar was closing so I walked Bear home, which was on the way to my house (she only lives a few blocks from me). A second after we got to Bear's front door it started to pour and we were instantly soaked. Bear lives in the basement apartment of a house, so we ducked under the steps to get out of the rain. It looked like it was only a passing shower. She said "I've been seeing someone for fours months, you can't come in. Plus I saw you walking one night holding some girl's (Kay's) hand." I said "Who said I WANTED to come in?" With that, we kissed.

I'm 80% sure I initiated the kiss, but I'm not certain. Within seconds Bear's shirt was off and her skirt was hiked up to her waist. She undid my pants and we were all over each other. The rain kept coming down, but it was like rush hour on her sidewalk, 25 people must have passed by while we were under that porch. Anyone could have just looked down and saw us. For the record, we didn't actually have sex, but we did everything else. Bear is such a little freak, I missed that. When we were both spent we tried our best to fix our clothes and I went home.

It's amazing, remorse strikes you a fraction of an instant after you orgasm. It's like a Batman comic "WHAM! I'm coming! Ahhhh! KABOOM! Noooooo!"

Yesterday I was a mess. My side, my head, and my heart all killed.

At 8pm I was on the couch reading. Actually, I was on the couch staring at one page in a book, moving my eyes over the same line, when the phone rang. "Fuck, it's Kay." I answered and after a few seconds of small talk she said "Ugh, I'm still at work, I have to take this other call." Twenty minutes later she called back. There was more small talk, then an awkward pause. I said "So, haven't heard from you in a while, what's up?" She went on about how work was crazy, but I knew she was stalling. I said "What are your plans this weekend?", she had the fucking gall to say "I have plans on Friday, and a charity event on Saturday night, can we get together Sunday?"

I would like to think that I am a rational person, but I absolutely exploded on the inside. Did she think I was an idiot? Was I stupid? After two months of seeing each other almost ever minute of every weekend, would I not think this is strange? I thought "Oh sure, see you Sunday. Have a great time. Don't forget to use a condom!"

I finally mustered "Let me say this out loud in case I missed something" I was doing my best to control my volume, I was starting to shout a little "I don't see you since last Wednesday, and you make plans all weekend? Kay, what the fuck are you talking about?" She started to double talk, she said something about not hearing from me...I cut her off "I haven't heard anything from you since Sunday! I hardly ever hear from you. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining. I can handle the truth. And I don't like being led on..."

My rant, and it was a rant, continued for a few minutes. She got a few words in, but I would say I did most of the talking. I finished with "You can call me if you want to talk, but I don't want to hear any more of this. You know how to reach me." and I said good bye.

Twice during the (exactly) eight minute call I mentally pictured her thumbing the "eject" button.

I really feel like I got steam rolled. Yeah, I cheated, but only after I saw the writing on the wall. I knew it was over before the baseball game Wednesday. Thursday I was filled with self-hatred and anger. If, by some chance, my call with Kay had gone differently, and everything was dandy, would I have told her about my session with Bear? I don't know. The guilt would probably have gotten to me and I would have cracked. I have said it before, I don't cheat. Yes, I did here, but I stand by my instinct that it was over long before took Bear's clothes off.

I almost feel guilty saying it, but I am sure I will go to the bars this weekend and drown my sorrow in wine and women.