The Cunning Linguist

Let me make a very long story short. I was in the gym locker room last Thursday talking to some of the guys I know, and I was floored that none of them go down on their wives. Or, more likely, none of them admitted to it. How we got on the topic is really not that interesting (it started with a discussion on having TV's in the bedroom), but it may be noteworthy that all the guys were black. My good friend L, who is black, said he loves to go down, so I don't believe the stereotype that all African American men are averse to this, but it may be that in a group setting they are averse to talking about it. I told them they are all full of shit and they all go down on their wives, but they insisted they "never have and never will".

My question is, how can you not like licking pussy? Honestly, I love it. I do it as often as possible, and for as long as allowed (after a while most girls like to move on to other things). I am happy to make an evening out of it. I'll prop a girls butt up on some pillows, make myself comfortable, and easily spend 30-40 minutes down there. I've never timed it but I would bet I've spent an hour or more at times. I only have two requests: keep everything neat and trimmed, and give me regular progress reports, and I'll spend all day doing this.

I've already said it, I don't like any hair on my girl's cha-cha. I like it totally bald. But I realize that is a personal preference, and the ladies will do what they like. To each his, or her, own.

When I say I would like progress reports, what I mean is give me a little direction. If something feels good, let me know. A moan will suffice. If I'm missing the spot, give me some coordinates. "A little to the right. A little to the left. Faster. Slower. Softer. Deeper." Don't be shy, I'm doing this for you. And here's a big one, ladies, we're down there to make you cum, please let us know when we reach our goal. Sometimes it's hard to miss. I had one girl in high school clap her legs together when she came and my left ear is still a little hard of hearing, but sometimes it's not that obvious. I, for one, can't always tell, so send me a signal if you are a quiet girl.

The Smell:
Enough already. Yes, pussy has a very distinct odor, but unless there is something wrong or the girl isn't clean, I don't think the smell is bad. On the contrary, I like the smell, and the taste for that matter.

Technique:
Here's the thing with going down on a woman, you're dealing with the vagina, which is a complicated region. Unlike the penis, which has just three distinct parts in ALL cases - head, shaft, balls, that's it - the vagina has more parts than a Swiss watch. I am not a doctor (I flunked out of pre-med my sophomore year), and don't pretend be an expert on the topic. What I don't know about the female anatomy you can just about squeeze into the Grand Canyon. But I've done a bit of research on the topic and believe that I've found a technique that seems to please in most cases.


Some people swear by the "Alphabet", where you trace the letters of the alphabet over her clit. Some people (and I say people because I've discussed this with women who go down on chicks) hum while they lick and flick. Some prefer to suck on the clit while others do figure-eights around it. I'm sure every woman likes her own thing.


I generally try to stick to a tried and true method. I realize it may not be for every girl, but it seems to work for most. It's pretty simple, basically I do circles around the clit with my tongue on one direction (let's say clockwise). Then, with my hand, palm up, I put two fingers (middle and index) into her and curl the fingers back towards me like I am motioning for someone to come to me. With those fingers I rub the inside wall of her vagina, the spot that is basically right behind her clit (the disputed "g-spot"), in a circular motion opposite of what my tongue is doing (counter clockwise in this case). One way to think of is it your fingers and tongue are pointing towards each other. I like circular motion as opposed to flicking because it's steady pressure, and that seems to be the trick. This is my main technique, but I never jump right into this. I like to take my time and lick her all over first. Pay attention to her whole body.

I haven't even hit the "Publish Post" button, and I can already hear you sarcastic fuckers typing away: "You don't know what you're talking about. You're doing it all wrong. What, circles? No flicking? No sucking? Your fingers are bent up, they should point down." And on, and on.

Let me say it again for those in the cheap seats: I'm not saying this is the best technique. I'm just saying this is the one that has gotten the best reviews from my lady-friends. Have a better idea? Share it, let's see how your technique holds up with this group. Try exposing yourself to mass-ridicule for a change.