Family Guy

Last night I witnessed one of the more disturbing "shows" of my life.

I took the bike out for a ride around the mall to decompress after my day at the DMV. I got home around 9:30, and my neighbor (two doors down) had his backyard party lights on (a series of lights strung around the trees). As I pulled my bike in to the yard I heard a strange, repetitive cackling laughter. It was almost like a laugh-track because it was the same laugh over and over. "HaaaaHaHahaHa....HaaaaHaHahaHa....HaaaaHaHahaHa....HaaaaHaHahaHa....".

This particular neighbor is gay and lives with his partner. Right after I moved into my house I received a series of letters on my door from one of the guys telling me that my dog barked all day long. He went on to say that he worked from home and that the barking disrupted his work. He then suggested I find another place to "store" my dog during the day, or perhaps she needed someone to stay with her so she wouldn't bark as much. He did leave his name and number on the letter, which I commend him for, but I just threw all the letters in the garbage, it was total BS. My two immediate neighbors, who also have dogs, received the same letters.

That spring the two guys started throwing these huge, all-night, parties. Weekends, weekdays, it didn't matter. They would have tons of people over and be up all night long. They even put up this huge tent. I never said anything because the letters about the dog stopped. But if I ever get another letter about my dog barking in the afternoon I'll probably mention the fact that I have now had to endure two summers of their parties.

So, that gives you an idea of what my block is like.

Back to last night. I turned off the bike and opened the door to my shed to put away my helmet and plug the bike into the charger. With the bike off I could hear music. It was familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it, it sounded like a showtune, or maybe big-band music. Something with lots of horns and piano.

My yard is elevated, and is about five feet higher than the two dudes' yard. We both have fences, but my shed is also elevated, so when I am in the shed I can see into part of their yard. As I walked out of the shed I saw the smaller of the two dudes seductively walking down the steps from his house. He was wearing some sort of corset, and I am pretty sure I heard the clicking noise of high heels. He was singing, and after a second I recognized the lyrics. He was singing the theme song to The Family Guy. The laughter was coming from one or two other dudes (I will venture a guess that they were gay as well).

Pretty sure the image of that dude in lingerie dancing down his steps ruined the Family Guy for me forever. I'm not sure it would have even been funny or sexy if it was a hot chick doing the dance. It was just strange.

As difficult as I think the dating scene is in DC, imagine how fucked up the gay dating scene must be. I probably have it easy.