The pain in my side has roughly doubled every day since Saturday, which I don't think is a sign that "it" is healing, whatever "it" is. Still no blood, but I decided it might be prudent to have a doctor take a look at it, preferably through an x-ray machine. I made an appointment for this afternoon.
Kay has been incommunicado for most of this week due to a "surprise SEC audit" of her firm. In my experience this is not a good thing. She says they have her working from 6am to 11pm every day. I think she takes her job a little too seriously, or she can't balance the work load. No one should be expected to work from 6am to 11pm as often as she is. At least, not as an accountant. Plus, I don't think she gets paid all that much, her job blows.
For the most part, Kay is not great about returning calls or texts, especially when things get crazy at work. A few months ago I would have been questioning and analyzing why I haven't heard from her, and what is going on. But now that I know her better I understand that this is just the way she operates. Unfortunately, I still don't trust her 100%, though. This is just how I am wired. Some people start thinking that everyone is instrinsically good, and then downgrade them based on negative actions. I, on the other hand, work the opposite. I generally think all people are shits, and upgrade their status based only on their good behavior. You're less prone to disappointment this way.
I think Kay has a similar philosophy. I can't help but think that she always has one hand on the "eject" button.
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Knowing when to trust someone and how much is a rich topic. Seems to me it's a big gap in the teaching most of us get on how to be a happy adult (along with methods for making tough decisions well, something I devised for myself, btw). I liken the process of trusting to walking on a frozen lake. At the start, the edge, it's both safest and with least risk.
ReplyDeleteSo take one step at a time, stop, evaluate, proceed cautiously, etc. Don't run out to the center and stomp up & down, hoping it's okay. That seems to be how many people do their relationships -- wild gamble, recurring experience of disaster, then a long recovery (no intimacy) before being ready to trust again ... an unneccessary trauma pattern ...
One factor really helping one to deal with the uncertainty of not knowing what's up (during a silent period from your lover) is not letting your happiness, self-image, etc depend too much on someone else, espec. not too soon...
being slow to let someone matter much to you ... ready to say 'it was nice while it lasted, oh well, Next?' Does that sound like Kay remaining poised to push the eject button?
Nice image there NN.
I like the ice analogy.
ReplyDelete