Last night was about what I expected. No sleep, bad mood. Normally I would have gone to a bar with a buddy and gotten really rowdy and taken a girl home, but I figured that as self destructive. I ended up sequestering myself from the general public to avoid any potentially felonious behavior. I had a two hour workout (saw GG, always nice), cooked a good dinner, took the dog on a long walk, then watched a solid two hours of the Discovery Channel (I'm a nerd at heart).
What to do, what to do.
Since I didn't sleep much last night I had plenty of time to brood over the situation. Have you ever noticed that you are totally irrational when you wake up in the middle of the night? When I am in the middle of a big construction project I wake up at night in full panics about money, or permits, or workers. Then in the morning I always think "What were you so worked up about?". Last night was the same. I was so pissed that I contemplated sending Kay a text that read "WTF are you doing on Match.com?", but luckily I didn't, I would have regretted that today.
I told D-Ron about the situation and he helped out in his own sarcastic way.
Here's what I am going to do - just be myself. No pressure, no strings, no worries, no relationship labels. I'll be the nice guy that she agreed to have a lobster dinner with. The guy that she sips drinks with in the hot tub while listening to reggae. What am I stressing about, it's not in my nature. If she doesn't like me for who I am then it won't work and there is no reason to try and force it. If she comes back from her trip and tells me it's not working out and she never wants to see me again, what have I lost? It would suck, don't get me wrong, but I would deal with it. The timing was wrong, we're not right for each other, or I'm a jerk. Whatever the reason, maybe it's just not right.
But don't get me wrong, I'm not just going to roll over and give up. That's also not in my nature. I will reiterate that I really enjoy hanging out with her and think she's a great person. The one thing I am wrestling with is whether I should say that I am not seeing anyone else right now, I don't know if that qualifies as "pressure". The main reason I want to bring it up is because we don't use condoms, and I need to clarify that if we are going to see other people we will start using them.
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You know it's funny, I was in a similar situation with a girl not too long ago. And while I never completely stopped pursuing other tail, I liked this one as potentially something more, but she never really reciprocated. In fact, mostly all she ever did was come over my place, drink wine, and "watch a movie." Which of course meant we'd just bang like rabbits.
ReplyDeleteEventually she sends me a text on a night we were supposed to hang out saying something like "unfortunately, I can't come over tonight. I've been told I'm no longer to be seeing any of my friends with benefits. Unfortunately, this is over."
I always had the sense that this chick wasn't in it for the long haul, and that was fine. Sure there were mixed signals, but I'd been around the block enough to know not to put all my eggs in one basket and when the time and person was right, I'd know it.
The girl I went on a first date (from match.com no less) with a couple of nights later, I married.