Life throws a lot at you: career issues, relationship problems, health problems, family drama, death. Do we really need to heap the aggravation of the unwanted delivery of the Washington Examiner on top of all that?
I realize this has nothing to do with dating, but apparently it's part of the "DC" experience, so I'll throw it in here.
For two years now I have quietly endured the unsolicited delivery of the Examiner. When I first bought and moved into my house I thought I was receiving the tail-end of the prior home owner's subscription. I read the NY Times and the Washington Post everyday, and the Wall Street Journal at least a couple of times a week. Really, it should go without saying that the Examiner is redundant after those papers. Frankly, all it is good for is lining your bird cage.
My problem with the paper is three-fold. I think it's a waste of paper to print it because the editorials are garbage. It litters my yard, and the yards of my neighbors, so I have to walk out front and pick up and recycle all these papers that no one reads. Lastly, and most importantly, the asshole that delivers the paper throws it at my house with the speed and accuracy of a MLB pitcher at 3:30am a few times a week. The paper hits the front of my house, right next to my bedroom window, which sends my dog into full-blown attack mode, running through the house barking and growling. What the fuck, I don't want the goddamn paper, why should I have to be woken up by it!
The final straw came one day when I was walking down the street towards my house and saw a copy of the Examiner on my roof. I said "That mother fucker. It's bad enough that he wakes me up, now I have to get a ladder out and take that piece of shit paper off my roof", I was just furious "I don't need this aggravation, I have enough shit to deal with." I pulled out the ladder, climbed up, threw out the paper, put the ladder away. It was 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back.
The next morning I called the Examiner offices, and was pleasantly surprised by how nice the woman on other end of the line was. I was all hyped up to scream and yell at someone about how I don't want to receive their garbage any longer, but she was totally disarming. She said she would stop delivery immediately, and if I ever decided I wanted it again all I had to do was call. I thanked her, and was really glad it went so well.
The next morning, and for the following two weeks, Nolan Ryan continued to pelt my house. This morning, at 3:38am, the paper actually struck my window. It didn't break, but my dog went apoplectic, and for a split second I thought someone was trying to break into my house. I called again this morning and left a message with the supervisor, but I know it's not going to do any good.
I can just tell that this is one of those things that is going to aggravate me for many years to come. Delivery will never stop, will it? It's really only a matter of time until I get arrested for throwing the paper back at the delivery guy.
Monday I register my car, be prepared for another rant.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Hmmm, perhaps at some point it becomes worth your while to wait up for the delivery guy and confront him (starting out with the attitude that he may be a great guy who never received any message from his employer)...
ReplyDeleteThat problem truly sucks, but you made it entertaining to read about it.
Looking forward to your DMV rant ...
PS: I know you mentioned confronting the delivery guy, but you were apparently just joking, and I'm serious.
ReplyDeleteActually, it is illegal to disrupt peoples' sleep at night. Mentioning this to supervisors might motivate them to make sure the delivery stops.
call them again. and again. and again.
ReplyDeleteit took me five separate discussions and a calm threat of suing for trespass before they finally stopped littering their paper on my property. but i've been examiner-free in arlington for nearly six months now.
I get something similar here in Bethesda, though fortunately it is only once a week and it is delivered during the day. They deliver it right after the recycling is picked up, which is just snide. I hate it. It's illegal in other states to litter people's lawns.
ReplyDeleteI know EXACTLY what you're talking about! There's a reason I don't pick it up at the Metro Station...
ReplyDeleteI used to live up just outside of Timonium (north of Baltimore), and several people with homes (I lived in an apartment and they didn't deliver it there, drat) put up yard signs: DO NOT DELIVER THE BALTIMORE EXAMINER TO THIS ADDRESS." Don't know if it actually worked or not.
ReplyDeleteMy husband HATED receiving the Examiner (Alexandria) and called requesting we be taken off the distribution many times. I think it was the 4th or 5th call that did it. Little round stickers appeared on either side of our mailbox and we haven't received a copy since.
ReplyDeleteI made numerous calls. I was told that the delivery person was penalized every time a complaint was received. I informed them that it wasn't acting as a deterrent and perhaps they should penalize them more heavily (firing squad came to mind). They eventually did stop, but only after I started sending e-mails to every name listed on the inside of the paper asking them to. Every time I got a paper, I sent a message to the entire mailing list. I don't know if that had anything to do with it or not, but it stopped.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's old school spam like the issues of Golf Digest and National Geographic that I suddenly have one-year subscriptions too.
ReplyDelete