Pukeberry

I was walking to lunch with two lady-friends from my office today when I slipped for no apparent reason and nearly broke my ass. I was walking on the sidewalk, and it's perfectly clear out, so I wasn't sure how I managed to slide. I looked down and saw all these one inch round yellow-green berries on the ground. Most were mushed, but a few escaped being smashed and rolled around the sidewalk as passersby kicked them. "Humm" I thought "I've never seen these before". I was amazed at how slippery they were, like little dollops of Vaseline.

A few steps later I picked up a strong odor that I can best describe as vomit. I turned to my friends and said "Holy shit, what is that smell?" They couldn't believe I hadn't smelled them before, they said "Those are the pukeberries".

Here is a link to a story recent story I found on them (FYI, they're called ginkgo trees): "Pukeberry"

We had decided to eat lunch in a nearby food court. I was waiting in line behind this very tall, very beautiful, elegantly-dressed woman. I, of course, was trying to think of something witty to say when I got a whiff of something terrible. I thought "Jesus, did this chick shit herself right here in line?" I know that my face shows every emotion and thought that runs through my head, so when the woman turned to look at me I looked down at the floor. It was then that I noticed a piece of pukeberry smashed to the side of my shoe's sole. "Oh no, I smell like I shit my pants!". I looked at the blond hottie and she was appalled by the odor, and clearly knew I was the source. I quickly walked away from the line and made two laps around the food court, dragging my feet in the hopes of scuffing the vomit smell out of leather soles of my shoes.

After two laps the odor was still there, and I was forced to endure it all through lunch. Of course, my lunch-mates broke my balls incessantly the whole meal.

After lunch walked three blocks to my office, dragging my feet the entire way. "This should do the trick" I thought, "I don't care of I use up half the soles, I need to ditch this smell before I get back to my office." The girls had gone shopping, so I didn't have to endure their ridicule over my shuffle.

Well, after I sat down at my desk I could still smell it. I keep a bottle of Purell hand sanitizer on my desk, so I squirted a few shots of that on each shoe sole, where you could clearly make out the stain from the pukeberry. To my astonishment, it actually made the smell stronger!

I hope I don't have to throw these shoes out, they were fucking expensive.