"...really pissed off girl"

"Hi NN, this is Bear. If you want to talk to a really pissed off girl, call xxx-xxxx."

This is the message left on my VM at 10pm Saturday night. What makes her think I would ever return a call after a message like that? She must have been dreaming. I hit "7" on the phone and put it back on the coffee table.

Sunday afternoon I received another call from Bear and I reluctantly answered it. Almost the first thing out of her mouth was "So why haven't I heard from you all week?" An introduction like that is a sure way of getting me off the phone very quickly. I said "Yeah, Bear, I can't talk right now, I'll have to call you later." I just don't see any reason to get reprimanded, she isn't my wife, she isn't even my girlfriend. Come to think of it, I would never let a girlfriend speak to me that way either.

We met up last night for drinks and I told her in no uncertain terms that I am not looking for a girlfriend, or a relationship, or any other form of commitment. Also, if she wanted to talk last week she knows how to use a phone. If she was OK with that, fine, if not, I would like to remain friends.

We wound up back at Bear's place. I don't know if what we did after the bar constitutes "make-up" sex, but it was lively. I'm not sure exactly how, but we ended up on the floor in the hallway between her bedroom and her bathroom, and good fifteen feet from her bed. I was behind her and she looked back at me and said "I want you to come on my face and in my hair", which I, of course, did. As strange as that request is, it was hot, and I'm not sure why.

Amusing side note: Bear lives in the basement apartment of a house on the Hill. The house was just sold to a couple that lives overseas, so the top two floors are vacant and Bear told me that she thinks she hears "animals" upstairs at night sometimes. "Yeah, sure you do" was my response. In my experience, both personal and professional, women have a tendency to hear things when they are in a house alone. However, last night we were in bed and I heard a critter run up the inside of the wall behind the bed, then scamper through the ceiling across the room. Bear sat bolt upright and said "There, did you hear that!". I most certainly did, and said "Oh, yeah, it sounds like a mouse. Tell the management company to hire an exterminator" I didn't want to scare her, but it was AT LEAST two rats, and from the sounds of it, big ones.

Friday night was pretty funny. Three buddies and I went to the Caps game then to Rocket Bar for beers and shuffle board.

Not so amusing side note: At the game Brandon, who is friends with Kay, decided to tell me all about some dude she's dating. Ass-wipe, what makes you think I want to hear about her, much less about the guy she's fucking? I wanted to strangle him.

...back to the bar. We got a round of beers and a shuffle board table and started playing. Within 15 minutes some girl had walked over to our table and started chatting with Andy. She was nothing special, I would say a 5 overall. She had a nice body, but a butter face. However, she had one of the most annoying voices I have ever heard. To make matters worse, she shouted when she talked. As soon as she opened her mouth I walked away. I don't have great hearing, so to someone who can actually hear she must have been ten times more aggravating.

I did a lap around the bar, and when I came back she was still standing with our group. Her friends were long gone, she was just standing there with us, it was odd. We asked her what she did, I think she taught special ed, which explains the shouting. We did the usual BS questions, then she asked me "So, where did you go to school." I was kind of in the mood to fuck with her, and tell her I was a ditch-digger, or ax murderer, anything to get her away from us before our ears started bleeding. I had stopped asking questions, and I don't think I ever even answered her, but Andy said "And you?". I think her response was "UNC Chapel Hill", it wasn't important. What was important was that every time she said the school her arm would raise up and give a little pump, like a cheerleader. I said "What was that?", and she just looked at me. I said "What was that little arm pump you just did?", and she said "I was a cheerleader, it's habit. I was also a gymnast."

For the next twenty minutes my friends and I proceeded to call out flips for her to perform in the crowded bar. She did hand springs, and splits, and flips. She did a floor routine for us, it was hysterical. For the finale, she lifted a leg strait up and held it against he head. Having dated a ballerina it did get my gears moving to think of the fun I could have with this chick. But then she opened her mouth again, and all I wanted to do was jam ice picks in my ears. I excused myself and went to the bathroom (which, incidentally, was one of the most foul I have ever set foot in).

While I waited in line for the bathroom a cute little girl was staring in my direction. I looked around to make sure she wasn't looking at someone else, and looked at her again. I said hello, and she said "You're hot!", then turned and walked up the stairs and out of the bar. The guy standing next to me, a total stranger, said "Go get her", which I started to do, but when I turned the corner to go up the stairs, she was already gone. I wasn't going to chase her down the street. Lost opportunity, though. And dammit, she was really cute.

When I returned from the third-world restroom that chick was still lingering. "My God woman, leave!" By then everyone was a little tired of her and the other guys were starting to give her the cold shoulder. She kind of got the point, but was sticking around to see if she could give someone her number. Two guys were married, so it was down to Andy and I. When she said "Well, I'm going to see if I can find my friends" I think that was our hint to ask for her number. For some reason Andy did.

So here's the deal. I've taken home girls who are less attractive then her, more annoying than her, or both. I guess I just wasn't drunk enough to want to deal with her for an extended period of time (ie., long enough to fuck her). What I don't understand is why Andy would take her number when there was no chance he would ever call her. He just broke up with South who was a thousand times hotter than this twit, what was he doing.

After she walked away I asked him why he got her number, to which his response was "I dunno". He could have easily taken her home that night. If he wanted to sleep with her all he had to do was hail a cab. There is no way her is going to date this chick. Why would he want to prolong things? Phone conversations, plans, rescheduled plans, more phone conversations. I didn't understand that move at all, it actually made me a little angry.