Different Exit Strategies

Interesting evening last night. I went to my friend's birthday party where Martin, Kay, and Poonani were all in attendance. Woohoo! Andy and his chick South were also there, and South brought along some girl she tried to set me up with.

I made a strategic blunder inviting Poonani along, which was comparable to "getting involved in a land war in Asia". She came with some of her girl friends and the groups weren't all that compatible. I spent the night shuttling between the birthday group and the Poonani group. It also sucked because the bar was crawling with cute girls. The only upside, and it was a rather large upside, is that I didn't have to spend too much time talking to Kay. It's still a little awkward, let's just leave it at that.

South had invited some girl along that she wanted to set me up with. Andy told me about the fix-up ahead of time, but I had already invited Poonani along, so I was curious how that was going to pan out. Turns out the girl was kind of a dud. I chatted with her for thirty minutes or so and eventually determined that she was borderline strange. It mattered little because Poonani eventually chased her away by pawing at me all night. Normally that makes me very uncomfortable in a bar, but last night it was doubly uncomfortable because Kay was there. At one point I was sitting on a stool at the bar and out of no where Poonani grabbed my crotch. I levitated about 3 inches off the stool and let out a girly yelp. I said "What was that for?", she said "You grabbed my ass." The bar was very crowded, and my hand may have grazed her butt, but I don't think it warranted a rough junk-grab.

South had a second friend with her who was visiting from Charlotte, which happens to be where I am going tomorrow for business. She was really cool, and very sexy. Turns out she lives on the same street as one of my offices there. We were going to get together for dinner, but she flies home Thursday morning, and I fly back to DC Wednesday night. I might try to meet up with her some other time since I'm in Charlotte regularly for work. It's too bad she doesn't live in DC, she seemed fairly normal.

At the end of the night I did invite Poonani back to my place but I am glad to report that she politely declined and took a cab home alone. Normally I would bitch and moan about why a girl would grab my dick then not go home with me, however, in this case I will make no such comments, and simply be thankful it didn't happen. I ended up sharing a cab with Andy and South. On the way home Andy said "NN has a hot tub at his house", and South's eye's lit up and she insisted we all go in. I'm all for three people in a hot tub, but not of two of them are dudes. I said I was sick and couldn't go in the tub and she took the hint. That would most certainly have gotten awkward. I mean, they clearly didn't have suits with them, so they would have gone in the tub au natural. Then what was I supposed to do, wear a suit? Go naked? What's the protocol on that? Plus, South is smoking-hot, so I certainly would have gotten a hard-on. That would have been REALLY awkward. I get hard at the drop of a hat. I mean, I got a stiffy just worrying about getting a stiffy simply because I pictured South naked in my fears. Say all you want about how badly women have it with their periods, and having to give birth, at least they don't have a clearly visible barometer of their sexual state for all the world to see. There are few things more embarrassing than an ill-timed boner.

Lastly, I received the following email today from my loony ex, Leeza:

"I tried you yesterday and today. I want to apologize for drunk dialing you last wkend [sic, and it was really three weeks ago]. It was inappropriate on all levels. I had been looking threw [sic] old albums with girlfriends and I have no idea why I thought it was a good idea. There is a part of me that still cares for you very much and I seem to take those feelings and make a complete ass out of myself. I am sure that you officially think I am crazy to say it being that I am married but I am just being honest and that is all I can do at this point. I took it to far the other evening. Other then that, I hope all is well.

L"

(I forgot to mention that during the (growingly infamous) Diwali incident, Leeza called me eight times in sixty minutes.)

It has been ten years since I dated this girl, what is she doing? If this doesn't perfectly illustrate why you should never get married, I don't know what does. I need to stay far, far away from this girl, she has totally gone off the reservation. I blame Facebook.

I read this really funny book about single-life called I'm having more fun than you by a guy names Aaron Karo. I saw it in the bookstore and couldn't resist. I'll end with a quote that I think is appropriate given Loony Leeza's email. It can also be a light-hearted and reasonable response to "Anonymous's" comment in V-Car Part I

"Happily married people and perpetually single people are similar: We've both given up on dating and have merely chosen different exit strategies."

-Aaron Karo