Blackmail or Extortion?

Yesterday I blackmailed my sister, Yoda (her nickname), into setting me up with a friend of hers. Or maybe it was extortion, I'm not exactly sure what the distinction is.

Background: My sister is a few years younger than I and we are very close, but after I unsuccessfully dated one of her good friends from college (who never spoke to my sister or I again), she stopped setting me up with people she knew. As a matter of fact, she cock-blocks me every time I meet a girl she is friendly with. Frankly, I can't blame her.

Yesterday morning I got a call from Yoda asking me if I could help her change a flat tire on her car. I said sure, and asked where the car was, but her answers were elusive and I knew that the car had blown a tire somewhere (or somehow) she didn't want me to know about. The conversation went something like this"

NN: Where is the car?
Yoda: Well, I took a cab home.
NN: From where?
Yoda: From where I got the flat tire?
NN: Last night?
Yoda: No, this morning?
NN: So where did you stay?
Yoda: I left it on the side of the road. And this morning I saw I am missing a hub cap, too.
NN: I know where the car stayed, where did you stay last night?


This game went on for five minutes before I told her that if she didn't immediately tell me the exact address where the car was I was going to hang up on her and she could change her own tire. She paused for a moment then said two cross streets. My mental google-maps flashed to the area, and I was a little thrown off because it was only four blocks from Kay's house. I couldn't figure out why my sister would be in that neighborhood on a Sunday night, and moreover, why she would be trying to hide it from me. I thought a little more about the area, which is pretty ghetto, and tried to think of other reasons she would be there, then it struck me, "Were you at Pauls?". There was another long pause, then "Ah, yeah, last night was a mess."

Paul is my buddy who had the party on Halloween night, and he went to high school with Madonna, which is how I met her. Yoda thought I would be mad that she hooked up with Paul, but I don't care, he's a good guy. In the great scheme of things I would rather she hooked up with Paul than Kay. All things are relative.

In typical slime-ball fashion, though, I tried to think of how I could use this new information to my advantage. I said "OK, I'll meet you at your car at 11:30, but you owe me a favor, and it's going to be a big one." Yoda agreed, reluctantly.

After I changed the tire I said "OK, you have to set me up with Giselle."

I have never actually met Giselle, but Yoda works with her and I've seen tons of pictures of her. I call her Giselle because she is nearly as hot as the model. She's also very smart, and apparently, very cool. Yoda screamed "No way! She's too good for you, I won't do it!". That's nice, isn't it? She's too good for me. What she meant was, Giselle is a very sweet, young, innocent girl, and she didn't want me to screw her over. I knew she wouldn't set me up with Giselle in a million years, which is why I said her first, she was a bargaining chip. She's six feet tall, too, so she's a bit too tall for me anyway. I said "Okay, okay, not Giselle, that's fine. But if you won't set me up with Giselle, then you have to set me up with Tattoo.", her shoulders slumped and in a whiny voice said "Whyyyyyy.....okay, I'll set you up with Tattoo."

Tattoo: I've never actually met Tattoo either, but I've seen pictures and heard the stories, she's right up my power-alley. Tattoo is 25, medium height with dark hair and dark eyes. She's super-wild, though, just really likes to have a good time, and parties a lot. Again, I haven't seen it, but I heard she has a big tattoo that starts at her hip and goes up her side to her armpit. I've been trying to get Yoda to invite her out for drinks with us, but the reason she said she won't is because she "doesn't want to have to have morning coffee in our kitchen with someone she works with". Again, I completely understand, but I'm going to make her set us up anyway.

Ironically, I got a call from Madonna last night. I thought that she was out of the picture, but she's still hanging in there, mostly due to the watch she left at my place. I kind of feel badly about not getting it back to her yet, so in retrospect, maybe leaving something behind does ensure a second date (not that I think she did it on purpose). Anyway, we are going to meet up Friday night for drinks. I'm going to try and keep those plans.