Kidnapped Friday Night

Friday night I went to a few bars and spent WAY too much money, even by my warped standards. I spent all the cash I had on me then moved on to damage my credit card. When the bar closed and my friends and I stumbled into the street, I knew it was going to be difficult to get home because the weather sucked. I finally hailed a cab and jumped in.

As soon as I got into the cab I asked the driver if he took credit cards, otherwise we would have to stop at an ATM. He said he took cards and drove on. When we got to my house I handed him the card and he said "OK, $50...." and just let that hang in the air for a second. I calmly reached over the seat and pluck the card from his hand and said "$50? You drove me 2 miles!", he responded "$30 credit card service charge". I was now putting the card back in my wallet and said "I was born at night but night last night fucko, take me to an ATM." This really irritated him. He began to scream and shout at me, sometimes in a foreign language. I said "Scream all you want, I'm not paying you $50. Not now, not ever. So fuck off." I was clearly drunk.

So now we had a standoff. We both knew that if he stopped that cab at an ATM there was no way in hell I was coming back to pay him, so he locked the doors and kept saying "Give me card" (I think he was middle-eastern). At the next stop light I had had enough fun and tried to get out, but he had the child locks on, so I was trapped. I looked at him, now really mad, and said "Look, Taliban, this is called kidnapping, unlock the doors." He really went crazy now, and I started to get a little nervous. He was heading West on Maryland Ave towards Benning Rd. Drunk as I was I knew that was not an area I wanted to be brought to, especially by this guy. I had a new plan. While we were driving I lowered the window. At the next light I started to climb out. I made it out to my waist but he punched the gas and ran the light. I almost fell out but managed to get back in the car before he got going really fast. Now I was super pissed and was running dangerously low on "towel-head" based ethnic slurs.

I was mentally weighing two options. The first was that I was going to choke him out from behind until he unlocked the doors. The second is that I was going to call 911 and report a kidnapping. The next day I consulted with several attorney friends and they thought either option were well within my rights at that point. However, I opted for number 2 and started dialing. While I did I said "Hey, Al Qaida, I'm calling the cops, you're going to be in Guantanamo by morning, let me know how that water boarding works out" and hit send on my phone. As the phone was ringing the driver spotted a cop car and pulled up along next to the guy. The cabbie and I both began yelling our sides of the story, and cop just shook his head like he had seen this a million times that night. We were a block from a 7-11 store, so he ended up telling the driver to take me there and he would make sure I didn't run from him before paying. I thought this was equitable and agreed (I decided not to press for kidnapping charges after the cop shot me a deadly look for even suggesting it).

While I counted out the fare I made a couple references to him sleeping with his camel then got the hell out of there. Obviously there was no tipping.