L-L The Retard Boy

My buddy D-Ron has a travel company that runs adventure trips all over the US and in Mexico. I try to go on at least one of his trips a year, sometimes we do two together. They are usually totally insane, and coming from me, that's saying a lot. One year we rode ATV's in Baja on terrain and at speeds that would never have been allowed outside of a third-world country. Last year we hiked 20 treacherous miles in an afternoon, then rafted two fairly tough rivers in the next two days. We white water raft in West Virginia every year, usually in the early spring or late fall when the water is good. Accommodations are rough, we camped two nights last October in 20-degree weather. However, there is a tremendous feeling of satisfaction when you finish a weekend like that and I always look forward to those trips. This year D-Ron can't make it rafting, but we're going to canoe a river (not sure which one yet), probably covering 80-100 miles in 2-3 days.

Kay knew I had a buddy who ran these trips and asked if I would put a few of her friends in contact with D-Ron. I did, and they did some rafting last weekend. Kay is really interested in going, so I am trying to set up a weekend to take her.

I have an office in Roanoke, VA and I am overdue to go down and audit the property. I generally use that business trip as the staging area for my annual adventures. One year I rode my Triumph 955i, a super fun bike, down the majority of Skyline Drive to that office, then spent the weekend carving up the mountains. Last year I left from Roanoke and met D-Ron for the hike and rafting. It's only a few hours from Roanoke to one of his outfitters in WV, and I can expense my mileage and meals, so the trip basically costs me nothing. I am thinking about inviting Kay along this year since D-Ron can't make it.

We would drive to Roanoke Thursday night. I would work Friday and she would have to entertain herself for the day. That night we would drive to WV and camp at a friends rafting company. The place has a lot of nice land and decent facilities. There are restrooms with showers and two lodges (OK, lodges may be a generous term) and a bunch of fire pits. It's pretty cushy as far as camping goes. We would camp Friday, raft all day Saturday, camp again that night, then head home Sunday.

When I explained this plan to D-Ron his email response back was:

"i thought this chick was hard to get....now you got her? aren't you tired of looking like an asshole with that helmet on...you really want her to see that....how bout we show her the picture of L-L the retard boy?"

The helmet referenced is an ill-fitting yellow piece of plastic that all rafters must wear. They are absurdly small and make everyone look like they are prone to seizures. The picture of "L-L the retard boy" (LL is me) is a now-famous snap shot of me and a group of college buddies on our first rafting trip. I was caught making a really special face, while wearing the above-mentioned helmet, and a wet suit that was about 3 sizes too small. It is truly classic. True, rafting outfits are not designed to be sexy, but if we're both wearing one I should be OK.

The bigger question is how will she do with the camping. Sure, there are plenty of hotels and Bed-and-Breakfasts in the area, but I prefer to push is a bit. She isn't high maintenance at all, but it could be interesting.

It's not that it would be a deal breaker if she wasn't down for camping, but it's nice to know exactly what you're getting yourself into. It's also a good idea to set the bar low on the first trip away together.