Hair

What's with all the pubic hair lately? It's summer, there's no fucking excuse for all that bush. In the past year I've noticed a disturbing trend towards more and more pubic hair and I think I speak for most men when I say I do not approve. I don't want to see a tarantula when you take off your pants.

I prefer my women to be completely waxed, I don't want to contend with any hair. Waxed is better than a shave because you don't get that "five o'clock" shadow. If you shave you have to really stay on top of it, stubble is simply unacceptable.

I understand that some women like a little something down there so that they don't feel pre-pubescent. In that case a landing strip is OK, but anything wider than one finger is simply too much. Honestly, you're really walking on dangerous ground with the landing strip because they tend to get away from women. Eventually the thin little strip morphs into that gigantic "V", and that's just a sloppy mess. If you're going to leave a little strip down there you have to trim the length too. When it gets too long you can see the hair through your bathing suit, and it's a real turn off. It looks like you're hiding broccoli in your bikini bottom.

When I was 17 years old my very progressive 16 year old girlfriend shaved everything completely off. I couldn't believe my eyes, it was like discovering gold. From that point on I was a convert.

During my freshman year of college I started hooking up with this really cute girl who was also a freshman. She had a cute face, was tall, brown hair, brown eyes, and a rock solid body. However, she just didn't groom her bush at all and it really bothered me. Being young and, frankly, just happy to be getting laid regularly I didn't say anything about it at first. But as the sex got more regular I got bolder and eventually one particularly drunk evening I stood up just before sex and walked towards the medicine cabinet. She said "where are you going?", I replied "to get a razor." She was utterly confused and probably more than a little scared. "A razor, for what". As I walked back from the bathroom I clicked on my little battery operated beard trimmer and said "To shave your bush".

I don't recall exactly what she said to me as she put her clothes back on and stormed out of my room, but she made enough of a ruckus that some of my neighbors came out to see what was going on. My neighbor and good friend Ray remembers her stomping down the hallway repeating "Shave your bush? Ha! Shave your bush! Shave my bush? I don't think so!". I had put on a towel but was still holding the clippers in my hand. My buddies loved it, and from that point on her name was "Shaveyourbush", which cracked me up, it was like her Indian name (feather not dot).

I now make it very clear right from the beginning of a relationship what my grooming expectations are. I have learned to be more tactful about it, but the message is the same, "The hair has to go. Wax it, shave it, laser it off if you have to, but get it out of there." But it seems like the style is big bush these days. Was there an article in Vogue titled "Let it grow"? If so, take my word, bush is not back in style, trim that sucker. Guys don't like it.