VDay Part I - Bear

I've really been struggling to write this. I couldn't get my arms around the topic and organize it into one manageable, quasi-coherent, stream of thought. I will break it down into thirds.

I used an accounting method called FIFO to determine who to write about first. FIFO stands for "First In First Out", and usually relates to raw materials in a manufacturing process. It means osmething else here.

All three posts relate to Valentine's Day, which I despise. I don't want to get into the gritty details, I just don't like following the pack and blindly buying candy and flowers because some greeting card company says I have to.

So Bear. I went out with Bear on Friday night. I was in a great mood when I picked Bear up, but her little quirks chipped away at me until I was basically growling like...well, a bear.

Bear wanted to go to some bar in the ghetto that was the hipster flavor of the month. I was OK with trying it out, but she didn't exactly know how to get there and kept telling me to turn the wrong way down one way streets. Long story short the third time she misdirected me a cop behind me flicked on his lights and announced over his loudspeaker "You can't go left here, this is a one way street! Right turn only". Bear said to me "No, I'm pretty sure you need to go left." If she was a guy I would have elbowed her in the chest. The cop didn't pull me over but I was still pretty heated. A few more wrong turns, and an icy three-block walk later we were at the bar.

We walked in Shithole Central and took a seat at a small table. Let me set the scene for you. The place was about the size of an average living room. The ceiling was collapsing, the floors were covered in grease, and there was an overwhelming aroma of overused cooking oil in the air that would later require me to de-louse everything I had to kill the odor. The lighting was old oil cans hanging from the rafters with 30watt bulbs in them. The patrons were a mix of old alcoholics, young black lesbians, and wannabe LA hipsters in Ed Hardy gear drinking beer out of mason jars. How these three groups got along I will never know.

As we walked up to the table Bear took off her coat and underneath had on a white dress that was both low cut and short, along with 4" high heels, which I hadn't noticed before. It was like the record scratched in the bar, everyone was looking at Bear and I as if to say "Who are these two fucking morons?". This is classic Bear, dressed completely inappropriately. We looked strange even amidst this cast of characters.

I ignored the outfit and asked her what she wanted to drink. She asked for a beer so I went up to the bar and flagged down the bartender, who was staring at Bear's 90% exposed breasts. I started to ask for two Yuengling's but Bear came over and interrupted me and said "Actually, I think I would like a gin and tonic. What type of gins do you have?" What? What type of gins do they have? Look the fuck around. They have rail gin, and rail gin. Does this place look like they carry Hendricks or fucking Bombay Sapphire, or their own label specially infused with local juniper berries? How can a human be so smart and so stupid simultaneously? Predictably, the bartender said "We have Gordon's and rail..." Before Bear could say anything to further embarrass me I said "Gordon's gin and a Yuengling, please."

Bear stayed over that night, we had sex once, then I rushed her out in the morning. I was still pretty annoyed about the night and just wanted to have a little alone time and run some errands. While I was at Home Depot on Saturday Bear called. I foolishly answered, and without even a greeting Bear launched into a long-winded speech about nothing in particular. I stopped her and said "Bear, I'm in Home Depot about to get run over by a forklift, what's up?". She said "I insist on taking you to brunch tomorrow." There was a long pause, then she said "I won't take no for an answer, be at my place at 11:30." then hung up. I had plans to take out Tiny at 3pm (VDay Part III), so that would work out fine.

Saturday night I went out with Beads (VDay Part II).

Sunday morning I rushed back from Georgetown, walked the dog, then drove to Bear's house. I called when I was out front (there was no where to park due to the snow) but she said we were eating in, not going out, and that I needed to park.

When I walked into Bears I was both mad and ashamed. She had cheese grits and a huge "frittata" on the stove, champagne poured, homemade raspberry-cheese muffins in a basket on the table, and fresh strawberries cut and placed in tiny bowls on the table. On my seat was a hand made valentine. I've told Bear a thousand times that I don't celebrate the holiday, but I felt like a real shit for not having even a cheesy card of some sort for her. I admit that I used poor judgement and had no manners, and would have killed a guy for treating one of my sisters that way.

Last night Bear called me and said she would prefer to either be friends, or fuck buddies, and "didn't want to play house anymore". I kind of knew that was coming. I'm leaning towards friends.