Overall not a good weekend

This weekend Stella told me she reunited with a college ex, I nearly sank a friend's boat, I was blown off by Tiny, seduced by Poonani, and brandished a firearm while building a fence.

Last week was pretty stressful at work so I took Friday off. My friend Ed just bought his first boat so my buddy Chuck and I volunteered to help him learn the do's and don't of boating since we both grew up on the water. The three of us planned to meet at 3pm at Gravely Park near the airport to launch the boat. I hadn't heard from Stella since last week, so before I left for the park I sent her the following text: "Really...no call back?". It was a little aggressive. I knew she wasn't interested but I didn't think I deserved being blown off completely. While I was waiting for Ed and Chuck to get to the boat ramp Stella called. She started by saying "Ok, awkward conversation..." then said that she gotten back together with her college ex while she was at her reunion last weekend. I thanked her for calling me back and that was it. I don't even think the story about the ex is true because she was being flaky before she went away, it was just a convenient way to end things. She's a really cool chick and I'm a little disappointed, but no hard feelings, things don't always go the way you want them to.

When Chuck and Ed arrived we spent an hour trying to teach Ed all the important things he should know to safely launch and drive a boat. It would be like trying to teach someone from Mars how to drive a car in an hour, including all the rules to the road, mechanics of the car, driving etiquette, etc. There's a lot of info. Long story short we forgot a pretty basic tenet of boating: If you don't put the plugs in the hull the boat fills with water and sinks. While we were sitting at the dock putting away the gear I noticed there was a lot of water in one of the lockers. I said "Hey, Chuck, did you put in the plugs?". He looked at me for a second and said "Nope...Ed, go get the truck. Hurry up!" Luckily ignorance is bliss and Ed had no idea that his new boat was sinking and if he didn't get it on the trailer ASAP it would be on the bottom of the Potomac in about ten minutes. We were able to get the boat out of the water before it sank, but not before it ruined my iPod.

After the boat ride Tiny and I texted a bit. She said she had dinner plans but we'd meet up after. I wasn't in the mood to go out so I figured either she would come over after dinner or I would go to her house. I left Tiny a message asking her to give me a call when she knew what her plan was but I never heard back from her until Saturday morning. She said she got home and fell asleep. What that translates to is "I had a date that went better than expected and I ended up spending the night with him." I respect the move, it showed balls.

Saturday afternoon Poonani texted me and asked if I would like to get drinks. She was meeting a group out in Chinatown and thought we could head out for a few cocktails after. I invited a couple other guys out but no one was available, so it was just Poonani and I. After hopping around for a bit we ended up at Rocket Bar to play darts. After two beers Poonani got pretty touchy-feely and I tried to establish the "friends" relationship by telling her about how Tiny blew me off the night before. I told her the whole story on our background, the big talk she tried to have in bed that week, everything. It all bounced right off her, she wasn't deterred at all. As soon as I finished the story she put my hand on her leg, kissed me, then she moved my hand up the inside of her leg and under her skirt. This was not subtle. Twice more I tried to say no, and twice more she basically threw herself at me and said we should hook up. The third time I relented and we got in a cab for my house. Apparently I am like Mustafa in Austin Powers and will say/do anything if asked three times, "I can't stand to be asked the same question three times. It just irritates me."

When we got to my place Poonani said "Let's go in your hot tub."

Side Note: At this point I am not longer the aggressor, Poonani is in charge and I'm completely out of my element. At 37 years old she is probably the oldest chick I've ever hooked up with and I think her aggressiveness is based on her age.

I said the hot tub sounded like a good idea and we started walking out to the yard. It was raining so before we went outside Poonani stripped down to her thong. I grabbed two towels from the bathroom, stripped down, put one around my waist, then followed her outside. There are three steps to get into the tub and two down once you get in. Poonani basically led me up and down them by my penis, which I found very funny. We spent almost an hour in the tub talking and fooling around before moving to the shower. Almost every girl I've gone into the tub with wants to wash her hair when we get into the shower. This cracks me up because it's a perfect example of the difference between how guys and girls operate. Guys are focused on getting laid, and girls want to make sure they don't get split ends. Our priorities are very different.

Once Poonani washed and conditioned her hair she went down on me. The wild thing was that she deep throated me to the point of choking several times. It was strangely erotic. She would go down as far as it seemed she could, then swallow a bit and go down like another few inches, using her hands on my ass to pull me in deeper. She would hold there for a few seconds then spring backwards and let out loud gulping-coughing-choking sounds. It was pretty hot and I got into it, gently pulling her head onto my dick. After one time that I thought I pulled a little too much she bounced backwards, coughed really loudly, took a deep breath and said "Harder!". O.K. by me. After the shower we went to my bedroom and had sex once before passing out at 3am.

My house lost power during the night and I woke up to an unusual beeping noise just as the sun was rising. I heard Poonani get up then heard lots of walking around my house. I put a pillow on my head and fell back asleep. Some time later I hear heels clicking on hardwood and Poonani whispered "Can you give me a ride home?" I looked at my clock which was blinking 12:00. I looked outside, it was still dark, I said "Not now I won't...besides, my car is at Union Station...go back to sleep" Then I passed out again. Later Poonani whispered "What's your address?" I told her then passed out again. Later still she said "My cab is here but I can't unlock your door". Half-naked and like a zombie I got up and walked her out the back, around my house and out the side gate where her cab was. I said good night, which obviously was retarded because it was morning, then went back to bed for a few more hours.

Sunday was a little surreal. I'm having problems with one of my neighbors because he has two very aggressive German Shepards who have attacked my dog and I several times. The guy is in his late 60's but after I confronted him he pushed me and we almost got into a fist fight. I have a real problem hitting an old man, and am afraid he will have a heart attack or fall and hit his head if I punch him, so I used a wrestling/jiu jitsu move to bend his hand backwards and imobilize him. That was a few weeks ago.

To help avoid contact with the clearly unstable old curmudgeon I pulled a permit to erect a 7' fence between our yards. However, in order to build it I needed to first trim his prized Honeysuckle vines that have grown several feel into my yard. When I first moved into my house I cut them back a little and he went crazy (even though they are on my property), so I knew this was going to be a real problem and took a few precautions before starting work. I was in the midst of cutting back the vines when I heard his truck pull up and his car door slam. When he walked into the yard I could hear him muttering about the bushes but couldn't make out his exact words over the noise of the clippers. He walked all the way through the yard and stood on his back deck where he could see me. We were about six feet apart. His face was bright red and he was shaking. I turned and faced him, waived, then stood there silently with the clippers running at my side. Tucked into my belt and clearly visible was a large black pistol. He turned and walked away and I haven't seen him since. Roosevelt's Big Stick Diplomacy at work I suppose. I should write and thank Mr. Kwasne, my 7th grade history teacher.