Dateguy vs Sexguy

I haven't heard from Stella in a few days, my guess is that situation has pretty much run its' course. That's OK, though, because it's a perfect example to illustrate something I've wanted to talk about for a while: Dateguy versus Sexguy.

First let me give a little background. People have always said that I am impatient when it comes to dating and that I throw in the towel if a girl doesn't sleep with me right away (i.e. several dates). They say I give up too easily and that if I put in more time I would get a higher caliber woman.

On a superficial level this may be true but if you explore the topic deeper you run into the Dateguy vs Sexguy conundrum. Here is how this works. There are single women and women who are in a relationship. Let's put the "relationship" girls aside for now. In the single female population there are those that are 100% detached, and those that are seeing multiple people and basically playing the field. They are in that limbo between single and in a relationship. This limbo group is the population I would like to focus on as I feel it represents the largest group that I encounter in DC.

So you have this girl that is neither in a serious relationship nor 100% single. She may have gone out a few times with one guy, there may be an ex still in the picture from last year, she may have some guy in another city that she's visited once or twice. You get the picture, she's single but she's not a hundred percent single. She's weighing various opportunities. In this world she has at least two guys in her life and they are called Dateguy and Sexguy (there is usually only one Sexguy, but there may be multiple Dateguys).

Dateguy: I am the nice dude that does thoughtful things for girls. I call and send text messages, take the girl out for dinner, and generally go out of my way to show her a good time. I plan special events, buy concert tickets, and attend holiday parties. The girl, in turn, accepts my advances because she enjoys the attention and is comfortable around me. However, the girl doesn't quite like me enough to sleep with me so I forever live in Heavy Petting Land.

Sexguy: I am who the girl sends the following text when she gets out of the car after being wined and dined with Dateguy: "Just got home from drinks with the girls, want to meet up?". Girls come to my house several times a week to have sweaty, wildly experimental, no-strings-attached, sex. I am like a vampire, I am never seen during daylight.

One of my favorite sayings has to do with playing cards, and it's "If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, you ARE the sucker!". Similarly, if you're not having sex with the girl within the first few dates, you're Dateguy!

There are always exceptions to the rule, but I've already admitted to being impatient. I don't have time to sniff out each exception. I use the best historical data available to make decisions with the greatest probability of a favorable outcome. I short, I play the odds.

Using Stella as an example I was playing the Dateguy role perfectly. All the elements were there. I was wining and dining her for the past few weeks and I'd bet dollars to donuts that she was sleeping with some other dude. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, because God knows I've been on that side of the equation. All I am saying is that as soon as I determine I'm Dateguy I'm out of there.

Is there a possibility of shifting from Dateguy to boyfriend? Sure, but the question is how long are you willing to play the rube? My answer is about four dates.