Buenos Aires

On December 26th I flew to Buenos Aires, Argentina with a group of buddies from NYC. I can only describe our trip as "excessive" in all regards. I apologize for the hiatus, but I needed a week to recuperate from my vacation.


When I decided to write the Crazy Girls DC blog I made a decision to keep it totally anonymous, so none of my friends know about it, not a single soul. As the expression goes, "three people can keep a secret if two are dead." I realize this blog isn't a big deal, but I thought it would be more authentic if no one was acting up just for the sake of a good entry. I also couldn't risk anyone at my office knowing about this. I say this now because if the guys who I went away with knew about the blog they would have greatly edited their behavior or sworn me to secrecy.


That being said, I am only going to share one story from the trip, one that really only involves me.


We arrived in Buenos Aires (BA) on Saturday morning and were met by a friend who was staying with us for the week. We hired a PR firm to show us around town and get us into the clubs. The PR agency also arranged our accommodations, travel around the city, and had a beautiful Argentine model staying with us 24/7 to make sure we were taken care of. Let's call the model Argentina, more on her later.

We checked into our hotel, grabbed lunch and got a tour of the city. In the afternoon we went back to the hotel and took advantage of their spa, which was fantastic. After massages, steam room, and 30 minutes in the sauna I felt like I had actually gotten an hour or two of sleep in the past 24 hours (which I had not). After the spa we had just enough time to shower and get dressed for dinner. As we left the spa I joked with one friend that I would be greatly disappointed if my very swanky hotel room went to waste that night.


We had a great steak dinner then headed to a club called Asia de Cuba afterwards. We arrived at the club at around 1am, and the place was pretty much dead. We had reserved a table and started getting bottle service immediately. At last count I think we had 3 bottles of Absolut (this is considered a "premium" vodka there), 3 bottles of Cristal, and I think there was a bottle of Tequila in there somewhere. By 3am the place was jam-packed and we were totally out of control. In short, we went bananas.


One of my friends started talking to this girl Paula, who he recognized from the restaurant we ate dinner at. Paula was sitting at the table next to us at dinner with two friends. Paula and a few other girls had some drinks with us, then we all moved to the dance floor. My friend starting talking to another girl so I picked up where he left off with Paula, and we danced for a long time.


I think we left the bar around 6am, the sun was just starting to come up. As we walked down the sidewalk Paula and I spotted a party boat at a nearby dock, and we tried our best to get onto it. After trying to sneak, and eventually bribe, our way aboard Paula and I gave up, and I convinced her to come back to my hotel for a drink. All the rooms in the hotel were suites, so we sat down on the couch and I made us two (superfluous) drinks. We talked for a while and eventually started hooking up on the couch. The club was pretty hot (it's the middle of summer in South America), and we were both sweaty, so I suggested we take a shower together. I'm not sure why, but that seems to be my go-to move. I think because it's a way to get naked without implying sex.


Paula didn't seem all that excited about a shower, but she was eager to try out the hot tub in the bathroom. I ran the bath, which took forever. As the water was running I would occasionally stick a finger under the stream of water and adjust the temperature either hotter or colder as I arbitrarily saw fit. I would say 15 minutes passed before I realized the water level should have been higher and I noticed that the drain was not closed all the way. I fixed the drain and the water lever rose much quicker, but it was still pretty low. I decided I should get this girl in the tub before she changed her mind. I poured a bottle of shampoo into the stream of water (I have no idea if this is against bath protocol or not, but it seemed like a good idea at the time). I told Paula it was ready and we both stripped down to nothing. We each plunged one foot into the water at the same time, and both almost jumped through the ceiling. The water was hot enough to cook pasta in, it must have been just barely under the boiling point.

So, the two of us were standing there naked, each with one badly scalded foot. Strange or not, it was at that moment that I realized Paula had a pretty nice body. I would say she was about 5'5'', long black hair, and brown eyes. She clearly worked out a lot, and was pretty toned.

With the bath out of the question we moved to the bedroom. There was a lot of foreplay, and I eventually grabbed a few condoms out of my suitcase that was next to the bed. The most notable thing about the sex was that Paula spoke Spanish almost exclusively throughout, which was different. I had a Cuban girlfriend who would sometimes revert to Spanish during sex, but it was usually only a few words here and there, and I think she did it on purpose. Paula, on the other hand, just did it naturally.

We had sex twice that "night", and once that "morning", with the distinction between night and morning being about 1 hour. The bath disaster was at about 7:30am, and I would guess our "morning" sex was at about 9:30am. I think we passed out for maybe 30 minutes in there somewhere, so for all intents and purposes, it was all morning sex, the sun was up the whole time.

Paula's cell phone rang at 10:30, so she went into the living room to talk. I took a quick shower and then started looking around for my jeans so I could grab some cash and get a coffee. I checked everywhere but couldn't find my pants. This is usually a fun game, but I had a ton of cash on me, my wallet (luckily my passport was locked in the safe), my Blackberry, and God knows what else in my pants, so I got a little panicked when I couldn't find them. After checking each room twice, I remembered a story of one of my buddies who took a girl to his hotel in Vegas only to find her, and all his cash, gone in the morning. All I could think was "Holy crap, this chick robbed me and is probably on the phone with whoever has a few thousand dollars of my cash".

I continued looking around, but I was really thinking about how I was going to confront her about my "missing" pants. I started saying things like "have you seen my pants....mis pantalones, donde esta?" Paula just looked at me like I was nuts, and said "no se?", sure you don't know...

I checked the bathroom for the third time, then, for some reason, pulled the TV that was attached to the wall in the bedroom. The plasma TV was mounted to a cabinet door that opened, and inside the cabinet, balled up exactly like I do when I am drunk, were my pants with cash and wallet in the pockets. Woohooo! At that second I remembered what happened. Hours before ( that "night"), when Paula went to the bathroom after our first round of sex, I remembered my friend's Vegas story, and vowed that wouldn't happen to me. So I grabbed my pants, balled them up, and put them in the best hiding spot I could find.

Paula got off the phone and saw that I found my pants. She asked me where they were, and I said "under the bed", I didn't know the Spanish word for "bed". I don't know if she understood, but she just started getting dressed. That was easy, American girls always want to hang out and talk, this was great.

I walked Paula to the front door of the hotel so she could get a cab home. The way the hotel was situated you had to walk past the pool to get to the front door, and I could see my friend and Argentina, the model, sitting at a table having breakfast. The doorman, who was actually a super-hot girl, tried unsuccessfully to hold in her laughter. We clearly had "one night stand" written all over our foreheads. I put Paula in a cab, said "goodnight" (which was obviously stupid since it was almost noon), then walked back inside. When the doorwoman opened the door, giggling, I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. The chick at the door was way-hotter than Paula.

I went directly to the pool and sat with Argentina and my buddy. I knew I was in for a ball-breaking, and they didn't disappoint.

Around my third cup of coffee I started to feel a little strange talking about my hook-up with Argentina. It was easy at first, like telling the story to my sister, who I lived with for a while and who gets a kick out of my exploits. However, as the other guys come down to the pool, and I had to retell the story a few times, I noticed Argentina became a little uncomfortable, which in turn made me uncomfortable. I was obviously attracted to Argentina, she was a super-model, and clearly out of my league, but it was still awkward.