Ben's Chilli Bowl

Friday night I was still wiped out from the craziness of the inauguration, so I decided to stay in, watch some TV, and cook a good dinner. I watched an episode of No Reservations on The Travel Channel, hosted by Anthony Bourdain, who I really like. He's a rude New York wise ass, what's not to like. The episode featured Washington, DC and there was a great segment on Ben's Chilli Bowl, one of my favorite late-night haunts. This plays an important role in Saturday night.

Saturday I went to a party at my friend Paul's house. He just bought a new place so he broke it in right. As far as house parties go, it was fairly calm, but I had a good time. I met two girls at the party that were interesting, one was from Japan and one from South Korea.

I ate a late lunch on Saturday so I really didn't eat dinner before going to the party. By midnight I was starving, and all I could think about was a half-smoke covered in chilli and liquified artificial cheese product. I was bordering on obsession, really. My two little Asian friends had never been to Ben's before, so I convinced them to take a ride with me to indulge in a DC right of passage.

We arrived at Ben's at around 12:30 and I thought it would be empty since it was still relatively early, but the place was packed. The line was out the door and ran down the sidewalk about 30'. We parked and waited for a little while, but the cold got to one of the girls so she grabbed a cab and went home. Now it was just Japan and I.

Japan: Japan was about 4'10", maybe 85 pounds, long black hair, just a really cute girl. Honestly, I don't know how tall she was. She was so short I didn't really have a guage to go by, I can't judge anything less than 5'2". Japan was born there, but has been living in the US since college, so her English is broken, but pretty good.

Japan and I waited outside at Ben's for a while, but we were both cold and decided to go to Solly's for a drink and to warm up a bit. We hung out there until we could feel our toes again then went to try Ben's again, but the line had gotten worse. Japan and I hopped in my car to go to Adam's Morgan to a dinner she knew that was open 24/7. Within 1 block we were making out in the car, so we re-routed to my house.

Japan was really into dogs, and got a kick out of mine, but since Japan and my dog were about the same size Japan got knocked around a bit. We talked in my living room but started hooking up on the couch shortly thereafter. Japan was straddling me on my couch, so I just stood up, threw her over my shoulder, and carried her to my bedroom where our clothes quickly came off.

I have to admit this was a big evening for me because it was the first time I slept with an Asian girl. There is certianly something exotic that is hard to explain.

Once the clothes were off the first thing I noticed was that Japan was totally natural when it came to trimming, it was a fucking jungle down there. Her completely wild bush was exaggerated by the fact that her (and I assume all Asian's) pubic hairs were strait as an arrow, not a short-and-curly in the bunch. I was fascinated, as you can imagine. Not only by the pubes, but by the fact that I could still be surprised. I'm no Walt Chamberlain, but I have been with a lot of women, and seen many more naked, and I just figured I had seen just about everything there was to see. Saturday night gave me hope.

There is something else that supposedly adds to the exotic appeal of Asian women, and I am sure I am going to get blasted for this, but here goes. The theory is that with Asians the distance from: hip-knee > knee-ankle. In caucasians the ratio is reversed: hip-knee < knee-ankle. I don't know if that is a fact, but I can always tell if a woman is Asian from behind just by looking at her legs. Try it sometime, it works.

Japan was awesome in bed, just a ton of fun crammed into an 85-pound package. We had sex for almost three hours, and did it every which way. On top, bottom, doggie style, standing up, sitting down, watching in the mirror, 69, she was so small I could pick her up with almost no effort and swing her around, and she loved it. I go to the gym every night, but this was the best work out I have had in months.

I almost decided not to write this part, because it's a little graphic, but I decided to because every one of my buddies who I told this to were totally jealous. I have never had this done before, and it certainly raises the bar. The only downside is that it isn't exactly the safest activity to engage in. Here goes. Each time after sex, Japan would take the condom off me and lick me totally clean, not a drop of anything left anywhere. I think the biggest turn-on was that is was so subservient. I loved it.

At 5am Japan asked where she could catch a cab. I tried to convince her to stay because I knew I couldn't send her outside to catch a cab alone. She persisted, so I got up and drove her back to Adam's Morgan.

I was still starving after I dropped her off, so I snuck into the McDonald's, which was closed. There was just a skeleton crew sweeping up, and one worker was trying to coax a bum out of the men's room who had apparently passed out on the can. You know, just your average 5am antics in Adam's Morgan. I slipped a girl behind the counter $20 and I ended up with a triple cheese burger of her own design, covered in mayo and at least three thick slices of onion, along with 1/2 a fryer-basket worth of french fries. I ate the whole thing in the car on the way home and was the happiest guy on Earth. However, my stomach hasn't been right since then. I ate a year's worth of McDonald's in 20 minutes and my system is not happy.