Barnes and Noble

Sometimes I really loathe myself. Yesterday I met this really cute girl and I froze up like a fat kid on a tightrope. I hope my failure amuses you.

After lunch yesterday I went to Barnes and Nobles to pick up a few books. I found the travel book I needed then went upstairs to look for a few other things. For some reason the store was freezing cold, almost is if the heat wasn't working. After browsing for a few minutes I started to get cold so I went to the information booth to ask where I could find what I wanted.

As expected there were two fucking tools working the counter, pissed that work was interfering with their Dungens & Dragons game. I was next in line and just as I was about to be called up by the sorcerer when this cute little brunette in a coat and scarf walked behind the counter and waived me up.

I spend a fair amount of time in B&N and in my experience (broad generalization coming) it's not exactly a haven for hot sales people. I don't know why, it just isn't.

Anyway, so the brunette looks up the book I asked for then tells me to follow her. We wound through the store for a few seconds and she seemed lost. Between being lost and her having a coat on I finally said "Come on, tell me the truth, you don't even work here, do you? What's your scam?" She laughed and said "Actually, I work in marketing for the company, but during the holidays we all chip in and lend a hand on the sales floor." That seemed reasonable. We chatted back and forth for a few minutes. She was really engaging and chipper. She had long wavy brown hair and looked like she was part Asian, maybe Japanese. She was trim and well dressed...in short she was hot.

The girl led me to the shelf where my book was, pulled it out for me, then made small talk for another minute or so. In my opinion, she was stalling, giving my time to make a move. But I didn't because I'm a pussy. Finally she said "Can I get you anything else?" Case and point: if I was even the least but smooth I would have asked her to get a drink with me or for her number. I could have said "Let me buy you a cup of coffee to warm you up", or anything else to keep the conversation going. But what do I say? "No, that will do". I said the words then wanted to rip my tongue out of my face. No, that will do? No it won't, get her phone number, ask her out, ask for another fucking book. Say anything to keep her talking to you and away from Frodo and Gandalf at the counter.

You know what happened though, she walked away and I was left with my book on Texas Holdem.

But wait, it doesn't end here. You see, sometimes I rally and totally redeem myself. So I stuck around for a while hoping I could catch her on her next walk around the store and get her number. While I was sitting there pretending to read my Blackberry beeped, reminding me I had just fifteen minutes to pay for my books and get back to my office for a meeting. Fuck, no chance of that, so I put the books back and went up to the office.

I was completely worthless during that whole meeting. All I could think about was hot half-Asian brunette book girl, and what an utter retarded disappointment I am.

Have you ever seen the movie Swingers, when John Favre gets the girl's number and calls her like 50 times that night when he gets home? Remember that feeling you had when you watched that scene, how you wanted to reach into the screen, grab the phone away from him and whip him to death with it? That's kind of how I felt about what I did next.

After my meeting I put my coat on and went back to Barnes and Noble. I picked up the two books I wanted and lingered in the store for about ten minutes. OK, it was fifteen. I saw the cute salesgirl scamper through the isles for a second, but she wasn't close enough for me to say hello. Plus, if she saw me she probably would have wondered if I spent the past two hours in the store stalking her. I finally snapped out of it and left, but the self-image damage was done.

I may go back today...