Breast Milk

Oh man, weird night with Beads.

Last night Beads and I had a pretty spicy Thai dinner, a couple of drinks, then I crashed at her house. Towards the end of a particularly vigorous round of sex Beads said "Come all over me", but when I tried I overshot and managed to get it on her pillow and headboard. My only response was "I think I missed". Beads spent the next 10-15 minutes searching the room for seamen like she was in an episode of CSI. I fully expected her to break out a black light. Can't say I blame her, though, I wouldn't want jizz on my pillow or headboard either.

When I got up to brush my teeth Beads said "I got you a tooth brush, it's in the medicine cabinet". I had just pulled my "travel" tooth brush out of a backpack I had with me, and said "Thanks......I have mine..." I stood there awkwardly naked for a moment, let the uncomfortable silence hang for a second, then marched to the bathroom.

As I was dozing off Beads said "Are you sleeping with anyone else?" 'Oh man, full court press tonight' I thought. Since I planned on breaking up with Tiny I figured my answer of "No" was technically not a lie. As of Tuesday night I was no longer sleeping with anyone else (unless Stella has a massive lapse of judgement this weekend). Seconds later I fell fast asleep, or so I thought.

I'm not sure how much time passed, maybe twenty minutes, or maybe two, then I sat bolt upright and yelled "It's just breast milk!". Beads said "What?", but I just laid back down and tried to fall back asleep. The line was from a dream I was having that went something like this:

I was in a particularly nasty public restroom, like one in a train or bus station. I was standing at a urinal taking a leak when in walked David Letterman. Dave starts taking a piss two urinals over from me, we chat a second about Leno, then we finish up at the same time. As we turn and start to walk towards the sinks a small flood of milk rushes into the bathroom and goes down a drain in the middle of the room. Dave jumps on the sink, looks at me in terror, and I said "It's just breast milk", only I blurted it out, live and in person, in Beads's bed.

As I fell asleep the second time I dreamt I cut a loud fart under the sheets. I am not certain if it's a dream or really happened. It's official, no more Thai food with dates.

Like I said, weird night.