Online Photos

Wow, really got shit-kicked for that last post. I figure I might as well get this out of the way while I'm in everyone's good graces. I've mentioned that I'm on trying online dating to see what's out there in DC. I have a few criteria I use when evaluating online photos.

Note: This just pertains to the photos, I do read what they have to say.

First and foremost, if you only have one picture posted I'm moving on. You're filed under "insufficient data". Everyone has at least one great picture of themselves, I need a minimum of three pictures to determine if I'm attracted to you.

If you you show just one side of your face in all of your pictures I have to believe that there is something horribly wrong with the other side of your face. It could be a scar, you're missing an eye, you had a stroke and that side is paralyzed. It's impossible that you're always facing the same way in every picture you've ever been in.

Hats other than baseball hats are a huge no no. You may think you look cute in a hat, but believe me, you don't. Now, you're probably saying "Yeah, but I have that really great hat that I wore to the Kentucky Derby last year...". I think the Kentucky Derby or a major polo match are the only places women should wear hats. I'm not saying you look good in them at those places, they're just the only places you can wear them. But under no circumstances should you post pictures of yourself in hats. Sorry.

So this is a big one, and where I get blasted by all the heavy chicks. I can pretty much tell everything I need to know about a girl's body by looking at her arm between her shoulder and her elbow. If that part of her arm is short, she's short. If it's chubby, she's chubby. If it's ripped, her whole body is ripped. If it looks sinewy, she is underweight and likely emaciated. If it's long and firm, she's tall and skinny. If there's a tattoo on it, there's bound to be more. There is no other part of the body that tells so much. Oh, and this isn't just me. Ask any guy (aside from your husband, he's going to lie if you're heavy) and he'll agree. To be perfectly honest, I check out girls' arms in public too.

If you don't show your body in any pictures, you're hiding something. I've been fooled by this one a couple of times. Girls with nice bodies like to show them off and post pictures where you can see them. Girls with lousy bodies show lots of face shots. I need to see at least one or two pictures with your legs.

Lastly, I can't stand when chicks take pictures of themselves in a mirror, or where you can see their arm leading back to the camera. What's that all about? It's like you never leave the house or have no friends to take pictures with. I immediately move on.