Tiger Woods or gorilla in a tutu?

Sometimes I second guess my lifestyle choices. I wonder if I should have settled down and focused on having a family. I look at my friends who are married with kids, and how much more "responsible" they seem, and I can't help but think that I might be better off with some roots instead of running around chasing tail. Then I read about someone like Tiger Woods, and what a cluster-fuck his life has become, and think "Nope, I need more time".

There seems to be a huge difference between my married friends and I. The married guys act like Clydesdale horses hitched to a piece of farm equipment. They plod away all day, dutifully pulling a heavy plow, contently, if not happily, making slow progress towards a goal. Blinders keep their focus on the task at hand. Baby. College fund. Bigger house. Another baby. Promotion. They can't see any of the distractions around them, and thus are never tempted. They always move forward, slowly but surely. I, on the other hand, feel like a thoroughbred in a race that just bucked its jockey and is now running the wrong way on the track. Sure, I'm running fast, but haphazardly and likely with disastrous consequences.

Maybe this is an exaggeration, but on occasion I do feel out of control. Take Halloween for example. I was dressed in a Gorilla suit and within an hour of getting to a party I was naked in a bathroom exchanging costumes with a girl in a tutu. Two weeks before that I was on a bike on the highway doing 170mph "just to see how fast it would go". I'm not sure this is particularly constructive behavior.

My friends see my pictures on Facebook and are like "What happened that night, and what the fuck are you wearing?". Then I go to their Facebook page and I see snapshots of them with their sons or daughters dressed like cartoon characters I've never heard of, and I'm like "Me? I'm fucking Madonna. What the fuck are your kids wearing? One looks like a piece of cheese, and the other one...wait, the other one has on the same outfit as me!" I don't understand, five years ago my buddies would have been doing the same shit. I wonder if I missed some narrow window of opportunity in which I could have become "responsible" (boring?).

Then someone like Tiger Woods goes completely off the deep end and I can't help but think that the air of composure married guys have is nothing but a facade. The infidelity, the deceit, what for? Why get married if you're going to cheat. I start to think that I'm going about life the right way, and that my married friends are going to have one divorce in their pocket before I ever get married.

Nope, I need more time.

Tonight I call Beads.