Blow to my ego

My ego took a big blow yesterday. Two, actually.

Strike 1:

I was busy in the office yesterday and really didn't feel like working out, but decided it was better than sitting on the couch. So I grabbed my gym bag and headed downstairs. As I walked into the gym I could see GG, sweaty as hell, standing at the water cooler. This was great because it meant that she had probably just finished up three hours on that damn treadmill and I might actually have an opportunity to talk to her.

I went into the locker room and quickly got changed. After I put on my shorts I noticed there was a white stain right in the front. I wore the shorts on Sunday to paint a white door and must have dripped some paint on them. I knew it was paint, but it looked like I had creamed my pants. I stood in the locker room for about 4 minutes trying to decide what to do. I finally decided no one would notice and walked into the gym.

GG was lifting weights, this was a perfect time to meet her. I walked up to the water cooler and said hello to Kelvin, the gay manager of our building who I know pretty well. The first thing out of Kelvin's mouth was "What's on your shorts!" I just stared at him and said "Kelvin, why are you looking at my fucking crotch?". This was not a good sign, the stain was obvious. Shit. I walked away.

I went over to the weight rack and grabbed two dumbbells. I stood really close to the rack and never turned around. My confidence was shot, I decided there was no way I was going to be able to talk to GG. After 15 minutes of pointless shoulder reps I went back to the locker room, showered, and left. A perfect opportunity was blown because I was too lazy to wear old shorts to paint.

Strike 2:

This one really stung. After weeks of deliberation I decided to ask out Kay. On Wednesday a VP in my office gave me two great tickets to the Nats game tonight (which will be rained out anyway) and I figured it was a good first date with Kay because she's very athletic and enjoys sports. I called Chuck and asked him to get Kay's number from his wife. An hour later he called me back with it and I was in business.

I waited until I got home to call Kay, I figured it was better than calling her while she was still at the office. Around 7pm I picked up my phone.

Now, I'm not bashful, and I'm on the phone all day long, so it's not like I am intimidated by calling people. But this was a little odd because I hadn't asked Kay for her number, so she wouldn't be expecting a call from me. Hell, I didn't even know if she would know who I was if I said my last name. However, the one thing that I had going for me was that most people don't answer calls from numbers they don't recognize. I figured she would see an unknown number and let it go to voicemail.

Here is the message I had mentally prepared:

"Hey, Kay, this is Notnuts, Chuck's buddy. I'm calling because I was just given two tickets to the Nats game tomorrow night and I wanted to see if you're free. I know it's last minute but I thought I would give it a shot. Give me a call back at ... Talk to you later, bye."

I walked out onto my deck where it was quiet, scrolled down to her number and hit send. Here is what happened:

Ring 1.
Ring 2. Ok, breath, no big deal
Ring 3. This is good, still ringing.
Ring 4. Nice. She's not answering, you should get voicemail soon. Relax.
Ring 5. "Hello?" Oh shit! Shit shit shit, she answered. Calm down stupid, say something.

NN: "Hey, Kay it's Notnuts (I said my full name) how are you"
Long pause.
K: "Good, how are you?" She doesn't know who you are.
NN: "I'm doing well, what are you up to?" Why didn't you say you're Chuck's buddy?
K: "Just finishing up work"
NN: Bye the way, this is Chuck's friend" Not now, too late! You're past that point!
K: "Yeah, I know"
NN: "Just wanted to make sure. I hope you don't mind, I got you're number from Chuck"
K: "No no problem."
NN: "The reason I'm calling is a guy in my office gave me two tickets to the Nats game tomorrow and I wanted to see if you're free if you wanted to go. I realize it's last minute, but I figured I would give it a shot."
K: "Oh, this sucks, I already have plans and can't break them." Hey, dumb-dumb, drop the phone on the ground, stomp it to pieces, and dive off my roof onto the sidewalk.
NN: "No problem, I completely understand, it's last minute." Great, it's raining now, maybe I'll get struck by lightening.
K: "I haven't even been to the stadium yet, I hear it's great."
NN: "Yeah, it's a great stadium. I get tickets fairly often, maybe another time." Get off the phone. Just hang up, you're babbling.
K: "I'd love to"
NN: "OK, I'll give you a call another time. Have a great weekend." Stop talking right now!
K: "You too."
NN: "Bye"
K: "Bye"

I walked back into the house, got a beer out of the fridge and flopped onto the couch.

What little confidence I had left was just flushed down the toilet. While I sat on the couch consoling myself with Budweiser I remembered that Kay and her roommate were coming to the house we rented the week of the 4th of July. "Ughhhhhhh! Maybe I'll just send them my $300 for the rental."