Weekend Update - ME and Bartender

I had my mom in town for Thanksgiving again this year. I love her to death but it's hard living together for extended periods. Mom went back home on Saturday afternoon, which worked out well because I had a date with ME that night, then one with Bartender Sunday afternoon, both of which went well.

Before I get into the dates I'll give you a little glimpse of what my life is like when Mom is in town. There isn't one major thing she does that aggravates me, it's more like one hundred little things that slowly chip away at me until my last filament of sanity is gone and I'm left wandering around my neighborhood with the dog in the wee hours of the morning like a raving lunatic.

What does she do to get to me? An example is that I have a tenant that lives below me, and as a courtesy I try to be quiet in the morning until at least 10am. I don't know if my tenant sleeps in or not, I simply do it out of respect. Not Mom, though. As soon as she gets up she's thumping around my house, banging dishes, and yelling to me from four rooms away "Are you in the bathroom? Where do you keep your can opener?". Then when I don't answer she yells it even louder. No matter how many times I tell her "Mom, you need to keep it down, it's 7:30am, my tenant is sleeping and she pays my mortgage!" she completely forgets the next morning and we start all over again with the thumping and yelling.

She is constantly searching for the "News" on TV. I forget that old people still get their "news" by watching it for hours on TV insteading of reading it online. She'll say "Where's your news", which is obviously a very confusing statement if you look at it literally. However, I know that's code for "On which station can I watch your local idiots babble on about how early some fuck-nut got in line at Target to save thirteen cents on the black-Friday-toy-du-jour this year". Then, no matter which station I put on it's not right. CNBC, CNN, NBC, Fox, ABC, none of these are what she's looking for. I finally have to say "Channels 4-115 come in on my TV, click through and see if you can find something you like." Then she inevitably fucks up my remote control and erases all the programming. Serenity now, serenity now!

The other thing Mom does that drives me bananas is what my sister and I refer to as "Price Check". If we have to make a purchase, regardless of whether it's a tank of gas or a pound of coffee, Mom likes to point out how much more expensive DC is than Home. She'll say "Seven ninety-nine for a can of coffee? That's awful, I can get the same kind at Home for three ninety-nine. Next time you're Home you should buy it and bring it back to DC with you." Multiply that statement times the number of items you consume in an average day and see if you don't want to step in front of the next oncoming bus. I get it, things are cheaper Home, but do I really want to get involved in coffee arbitrage to save a few bucks a month? What's the point of all this, stop bringing it up, please, for the love of god.

OK, I feel better that I got that off my chest, on to the dates.

Saturday night I had drinks and dinner with ME. We met up at 8pm and she looked really nice. She had on tight jeans, tall leather boots, a tight shirt/sweater, another sweater over that, and a scarf. She was even prettier than I remembered. She has this jet black hair, dark eyes, and something that I've never noticed on any girl before: really "plump" lips. She looks a lot like the Victoria Secret model Adriana Lima except with dark eyes.

I had done my homework before the date and researched her country. My geography is horrible, so I made sure I knew what countries her homeland bordered, as well as some key figures and general history, which I think I got extra credit for.

Conversation was easy and she told me a lot of very personal things that I thought was unusual for a first date. Early in the evening she mentioned that she had a rough break-up last year, then an hour later gave me the full story about how her five-year marriage disintegrated and she's been single for a year. I appreciated the honesty.

After dinner we got coffee and dessert at a little restaurant up the street. ME was fairly touchy-feely, which was encouraging. When we finished our dessert we called it a night. I walked ME to her car, which was about 15 minutes from the restaurant, then she drove me down to the Dupont Metro station. We kissed for a few minutes in the car then I left. We're going to try and get together for dinner again this weekend.

Yesterday I took Bartender shooting. I showed up at her house at the appointed hour and knocked on her door. Bartender answered and she looked a little roughed-up. She had on baggy jeans and a ratty t-shirt. Her hair was all fucked up and she smelled like stale cigarettes and booze covered with perfume.

Initial impressions aside, I enjoyed the day. Bartender is a laid back chick. She's smart, easy going, and funny, but all in a tom-boy sort of way. If I had to describe her I would say she's anti-prissy, which is refreshing for DC.

Here's the thing about Bartender, I get the impression that she's on a heavy late-night booty call rotation with a dozen guys. Why do I think this? I can't exactly put my finger on it. The best way to describe it is that if I was in a bar late at night and was looking for an easy hook-up, I would probably set my sights on her. She just had that "ridden hard and put away wet too many times" look about her, especially for a girl who is only 23 or 24.

My guess is that ME is still sorting out her divorce and Bartender has daddy issues. I hope I'm wrong, but my prediction is that ME will be a basket case because she's in dating-limbo after being out of the game for so long, and Bartender will be a fantastic hook-up but little more.