Bank and Post Office

I was the seventh person in line at the bank, it was 1pm, there were only two tellers, and one customer was trying to waithdraw funds from his account that had not yet "cleared" - a concept he could not grasp. My face was flush from the surge of rage overtaking me. This is why normally sane people snap and go on homicidal rampages. I don't condone it, but I understand why they do it.

While I stood there surpressing the desire to tackle and choke to death the guy at teller #2, I tried to decide what I hate more, mail or banking. What good really comes of either?

We are nearing the end of 2010, what do you still receive in the mail? My billing is all done online, salary is direct deposited, financial statements are emailed to me, my friends wish me Happy Birthday on Facebook, and yesterday I renewed and printed my registration online. The only thing I get in my mailbox is my neighbors mail, credit card applications and useless fliers. All this goes directly into the recycling can, this junk never even makes it into my home. There was a period where I was getting a lot of wedding invitations, but my friends are all married now, so I don't even get those anymore.

When I renovated my house I tried to end this senseless paper parade by not putting up a mailbox, but the mailman just stuffed the crap between my front door and my storm door. When I locked the storm door he left it on my stoop wrapped in rubber bands. Who needs this? Stop harrassing me. And who do you think you are with that pith helmet, anyway? Get a real job, you're nothing but a glorified paperboy.

The only thing I mail anymore are Thank You cards, and I just drop them in a the mailbox at work. Once it's acceptable to send Thank You emails, I'm out, no more mail for me. Period.

Banking is another story. It's a necessary evil. Once a month I take my 8-10 rent checks and deposit them into my account. Last month I tried Capital One's new ATM scan option and the technology is not quiet there yet. You can only scan a few checks at a time and it takes forever. I've tried putting the checks in an envelope and depositing them in the slot, but this delays the actual deposit by at least a day, and when you're dealing with deposits and mortage payments and all these dollars crossing each other on the electronic super-highway, every day counts. So, for the time being I seem to be stuck making physical deposits at the teller window each month, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

The only other time I go to the bank is if I have to withdraw a large amount of cash. If I'm going to buy a motorcycle I like to pay with crisp new one hundred dollar bills so I can negotiate, bank checks don't work. Last spring I went into my bank, Chevy Chase at the time, and handed the teller my license and a check for $8,000 made out to me. She looked at the check, looked at the license then asked if I called ahead to have the cash ready? I said no and she explained that I could only take out $2,000 at a time from a branch. I said "So I'll have to go to four different banks today to get my eight grand?" and she said "That's right." I thought about it for a second then said "OK, then, I'd like to close out my account." They gave me my eight thousand but asked that in the future I call ahead two days for large withdrawls. I said "No, I don't think so, you'll make an exception then as well". The whole point of a fucking bank is that you can get cash there!!!!

Go about your business.