Pork!

I'm not going to lie, I'm still drunk from last night. I went to a concert with Bear and I must have had fifteen screw drivers. Really, who drinks screw drivers? What in the holy hell was I thinking? The following post will be heavily influenced by Russian Vodka and OJ made from cencentrate.

Friday night I went to dinner to celebrate a friend's birthday. In attendence were three other couples who apparently were all Jewish. The restaurant was tapas style so we all ordered a few plates and they were served communal-style. At one point the waiter set a plate down and one chick at the table yelled out "PORK! Who ordered pork?" I thought for a moment then realized I had indeed ordered something with bacon on it, so I said "Yeah, I think I did". The girl stared at me then said "Oh!", and pushed it away like it was a plate of AIDS riddled human baby flesh. Am I not allowed to order bacon because someone at the table is Jewish?

While I was stuffing my face with swine the Jewish chick was pontificating about her superior politcal views and said something like "...and he's not even anti-gun...", which in context implied that this person was clearly an idiot for NOT being anti-gun. I said "So, you're against guns and the second amendment?" and she said "Yes, of course! Aren't you?". I said "No. Actually, I'm a big fan of guns. As a matter of fact, I have one strapped to my ankle right now", which I didn't but was amused to see her go white when I said it. I was surprised that basically ended the debate.

Saturday night I went to dinner with my sister. It was kind of late so we sat at the bar. While we were eating I chatted up the bartender who was pretty cool. Towards the end of dinner I said "So, do you ever get a night off?". She said she did and I asked her if she would like to get together for a drink some time. She looked at me for a second, then glanced at my sister. There was a second of uncomfortable silence then I said "Oh, actually, this is my sister!". The bartender laughed and then wrote her number on a piece of paper and handed it to me.

We'll see how that goes.