I am slowly yet deliberately winding things down with Tiny. Between the abortion and the fact that I have a lot of respect for her, I feel that the situation requires more tact that I generally am apt to devote to a breakup.
Most of my break ups are like scuttling a ship. I just make a few precision comments, and like holes in a hull that sucker goes strait to the bottom of the ocean. The process with Tiny is more like decommissioning an aircraft carrier. I'm doing my best to take it apart slowly and then just let it slip below the surface of the water with dignity. It's more difficult than it sounds, though.
To complicate things there is still the matter of the money I "owe" her, my half of the abortion fee. I've owed people money for lots of things: motorycles, rent, drugs, hell, even guns, but I can honestly say I've never owed on an abortion. Tiny never told me what the amount was so I haven't been able to reimburse her. The money isn't the issue, it is how to bring up the subject and ask the amount. What do you do, just say "So, what do I owe you for the abortion" and pull out your wallet? It's not like we're splitting a dinner check. The more I thought about it the more I dreaded the moment and procrastinated. I tried to think of the most tactful way to bring it up but the time never seemed right. Then I started to think of how I should pay her. Is cash more or less disrespectful than a check? If it's, say, $400, and I pay cash, are four $100 bills better than twenty $20 bills? If I write a check what do I put in the "For" line? All these things stress me out.
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Here's what you do: just cease all communications. Simple. Clean. She'll get the point.
ReplyDeleteYou'll never really be sure the kid was yours or that some other sucker didn't already for over his share. It's over. Has been for a while. Move on. If she doesn't get it already, she will.
Don't worry about karma or respect or whatever bullshit guilt you're feeling. You're pragmatic enough to know that's all a big steaming load.
You'll make up for all your transgressions when you meet the right one and treat her the way she deserves. At least I hope that's true in my case.
Ok, just asked a girlfriend. It runs approximately $225 at Planned Parenthood without anesthesia.
ReplyDeleteUgh. Just realized my earlier comment (before the price comment) never posted.
ReplyDeleteIn short: Thanks for being subtle with Tiny. If you want to give her money, give her a gift Visa card.
no gross no!
ReplyDeleteif you get her a gift visa everything she buys with it will be associated with the abortion(!!): dead baby new purse, dead baby dinner out, dead baby groceries...
cash, however, like a direct deposit, can be directly absorbed into her account
Now that you have a rough figure from Tiffanie, agree to meet her very casually after work or one weekend afternoon. Have a very simple bouget of flowers, something you would give to your grandmother and somewhere between $200-300 cash (I suggest 100's, easier to just deposit and not spend). Hand it all over, tell her the two of you are not going to the distance, it is not working out in the present, say a simple goodbye and walk away.
ReplyDeleteBouget: A leather vessel for carrying water.
ReplyDeleteBouquet: An arrangement of cut flowers.
You should get her condoms too to tell her to use them at all times...
ReplyDeleteIt's never easy when it comes to that, I have been there once and when she told me she did it, I just asked her after "How do you want me to send you the money" never mentioned the word "abortion"
I just hope this is a long life lesson for you as well, because it was for me!
you stay classy NN.
ReplyDeleteSounds to me like you are overthinking this. Follow your instincts. You obviously care about her or you wouldnt be going thru all this in your head. I like the flowers thing... ask to stop buy, bring the flowers and $, tell her you hope she is doing ok and thank her for being on the same page about it..blah blah..then do a gentle good bye and leave it be. Im sure she knows you well enough to know its coming down the pike anyhow... its like goin to the dentist to get a root canal, it sucks but ya gotta get it done! and NOOOOOOOOOOOO TO THE GIFT CARD..lol
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