I'm not sure how to answer that...

I'm not normally one to go to a coffee shop to read or do work, but I finished up some appointments early yesterday and decided to stop at a place called Jacob's on 8th Street to get an iced coffee and read before heading home.

I don't like to sit with my back facing a door so I found a seat in the corner of the shop facing the front window and entrance. I had been reading for a while when I spotted this blond girl across the street walking towards Jacob's. She was very beautiful, but what was most striking about her was that she was not dressed for "5pm, Thursday afternoon, coffee at Jacob's". She had on skin tight black pants, 4" black high heels and a low cut shirt. She had long blond hair with big loopy curls, and a fair amount of make-up on (a little too much). Basically, she looked like she was going out to a club.

Blondie opened the front door, took two steps in then came to a dead stop. She made half an attempt at backing out before an older gentleman sitting at table looked up and said her name. There was a long, awkward pause then she said "Heeyyyy, how are youuuuuu?" Blondie was still standing in the doorway holding the door open but the old guy stood up and was waiting for a hug or a kiss or some sort of greeting. Old Guy said "I'm great. Small world, what are you doing here?" Blondie let the door close behind her but didn't walk in any further. She said "I just drove into DC, and you?" Old Guy said he had just finished something or other (I think he said "class") and stopped in for a coffee.

At this point the only reason I am semi paying attention to the conversation is because the girl is extremely good looking. I was glancing up as often as I could and at some level listening to their conversation because, well, it was awkward and I love awkward interactions.

Anyway, Old Guy said "I thought you were in school?" and Blondie said she still was and studying journalism and then threw in a couple of non sequitur fillers: "blah blah blah, traffic was bad, blah blah blah, I get into the city once a week". Then, after all this she finally decided to walk in and give the guy a hug. Oh man, so fucking awkward. It was one of those "walk up, bend at the waist, stick your ass way out, pat on the back, I don't want to hug this person" hugs. As soon as it was over she took two steps back. Old Guy then asked "So, if you're in school what are you doing here?"

Yes, exactly what I had been thinking!

Blondie tilted her head slightly, looked at the ceiling, waited a full four seconds then said "Hmmm, I'm kind of working."

Working? Working how? Is she fucking hooking? I wanted to run over and introduce myself so I could join in the discussion.

Old Guy said "Working, what are you doing?" Blondie again took forever before saying "How can I explain this...." trailing off at the end.

Fuck my book. Please, sweetheart, tell us, what kind of work could you be doing here in DC on a Thursday night dressed like that? Old Guy and I are on the edge of our seats!

Old Guy said "Oh, you must be meeting an ex boyfriend, is that it?"

There you go, honey, that's an easy out for you, take it and run. All she had to do was agree, say "nice to see you" get a coffee and get the hell out of there. It could have been so easy, but luckily for me she let this debilitating seen continue.

Blondie said "No, no, that's not it.... How can I explain this...?" Old Guy said "Do your parents know where you are?"

What? That's a great question! I didn't think this scene could get any more uncomfortable. The old bastard knows her parents? Holy shit, she's fucking screwed. I wasn't even pretending to read anymore. I set the book on my lap, kicked my feet up on the table and gave them my undivided attention.

Stammering now and fidgeting with the zipper on the back of her pants (that, by the way, barely covered her perfect ass) Blondie said "Oh, sure. I'm trying to think how I can explain the work to you..."

I laughed out loud. Why are you saying you're working! Just fucking drop it already. There's no good way to explain to your parents' friend that you're supporting your coke habit by doing anal porn in DC. I can't believe you don't have a cover story. Any cover story! You're meeting friends. You have a date. An interview. Come on, you can't think of anything? No wonder your selling her body, there's no goddamn way you're going to get a college degree, you're dumb as a post.

Old Guy was visibly uncomfortable with the whole exchange at this point and really just wanted it to end. He said "Should I just stop asking you questions now?"

No, please God, no!

But Blondie was too stupid to let it go. She tried to come up with a plausible explanation for what she was doing in DC dressed like a stripper instead of at the library at her community college, but there obviously wasn't a single thought running through that beautiful head of hers. She just kept saying "No, I'm just trying to think of a way to explain it. How can I explain it?" over and over.

At last Blondie's phone rang. She answered it and said "Oh, OK, you're here?" She looked out the window and said "No, but I'll find you. See you soon. Bye."

I practically jumped out of my seat to see if Ron Jeremy was waiting out front.

Blondie put her phone away and said to the now completely stupefied Old Guy "Ok, I have to run, great to see you though!" Old Guy, in fatherly protective mode, looked as if he was going to follow her outside for a second then thought better of it and sat back back down.

I tried to see where Blondie went but she turned a corner and went out of site.

So, let's list all the possible explanations for what a young beautiful college student from outside DC could be doing in the city "working" at 5pm on a Thursday afternoon. We know she's a journalism student, meeting someone (male, I could hear his voice when she answered the phone) at a coffee shop who didn't actually come into the shop, and was she dressed...seductively.

a)Escort
b)Prostitute
c)Selling drugs
d)Buying Drugs
e)Porn
f)Modeling (read with sarcastic snicker)

Life is amusing.

On another front, a few minutes ago I rounded the corner on the way to the men's room and saw two LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG legs walking down the hallway. They were on 5" heels and led up to a very short skirt. When I finally worked my way up to the body they were attached to I realized they belonged to Trouble. I'm going to put on the full court press next week to get drinks with her. The problem is that I never see her in the office, I just don't have any interaction with her.