Divorce Sucks

Once again, the fear mongers on our network TV stations worked everyone up into a lather over nothing. Hurricane Irene was a moist fart here in DC. I think the insurance companies could hedge their bets nicely buy buying stock in milk, egg, and bread distributors. Anything they would pay out in claims in an actual emergency would be more than made up by milk, egg and bread sales in all the false alarms.

I have to admit, I bought into the hype on this storm. I used Irene as an excuse to buy a Honda generator I've been pining over all summer (it can also power my boat), so that cost me a grand before the first cloud appeared in the sky. Then, just as the rain started I realized I only had a handle of white rum, a half bottle of dark rum and vodka each, three beers, a fifth of scotch, an unopened bottle of Hendrick's gin, and a full twelve-bottle wine rack in the house. Like any aspiring alcoholic, I wasn't content with this stash because I didn't know how long it would have to hold me. I mean, who knows how long the liquor stores would be closed, remember Katrina? If I was going to stranded waiting for a Coast Guard chopper to pluck me off my roof that would never be enough booze. I decided a Schneider's run would be prudent and picked up a case of Bud and an emergency bottle of Patron (for Cinco de Mayo, you never know...)

While I was at Schneider's it occurred to me that I only had a can of black beans, a moldy cucumber and hot sauce in my fridge, so I'd better stop at the grocery store (for mixers). It just so happens that there is a mom and pop market across from Schneiders. In retrospect, what I bought is amusing:

- two 1.5lb packages of 90:10 ground beef
- one 2lb package boneless skinless chicken breasts
- four pounds pasta (two pounds each Fettuccine and Rotini - let the record show I've never bought Rotini before in my life)
- one yellow onion
- one red onion
- one head of lettuce
- one package tomatoes
- four cans crushed tomatoes
- twelve limes (I think you can see where my priorities were)
- one package corn tortillas
- four boxes rice (??????)
- one package of American cheese singles (the hound can't get enough of them)

I love this list because it's both random, and useless. Almost nothing here can be combined to make a real meal (at least not a square one).

Anyway, enough about Irene.

I've pretty much given up on Asia. We've made plans four times in the past few weeks and we each cancelled twice. I'm sick of texting and trying to make plans, I don't have the patience to keep it up. The ball is in her court now, if she wants to get together she can organize it.

The same goes for Sausage Fingers, who has reached out to me a few times to get drinks. She works irregular hours and will ask me if I want to get drinks at 3 in the afternoon. She can't grasp the 9-5 work concept.

Last week I heard a story that made my stomach turn. My buddy come home from work one afternoon and his wife told him that she doesn't love him anymore, that she rented an apartment outside of NYC and was moving there with their two kids. they were having some issues, but it sounds like he was blind sided by her moving out. She has always been pretty much worthless. My buddy is a financial whiz and was sent to Portland Maine after college to turn around some company. While he was there he met his soon-to-be-ex-wife, who was working as a teller at the branch he banked out. She was young and attractive, but basically didn't have anything else going for her, so she used her good looks and my friend's big heart to get out of east butt fuck Maine. My friend, Hutch, is now worth tens of millions, or at least is until she takes half in their impending divorce. The truly sad part is that they have two young sons. so now Hutch has to deal with this cunt for the rest of his life because they have two kids together.

The really sickening part of the story is that myself and two other buddies each pulled Hutch aside just prior to his engagement and told him he couldn't marry the girl. She was a bitch before they got engaged, marriage wasn't going to improve her demeanor. More importantly, she had no ambition. She never went to college, and as soon as they got engaged she stopped working (and hasn't had a job since). So I figure she will probably walk away with about $8M after eight years of marriage. Maybe she was more ambitious than we gave her credit for. I really feel badly for the guy.