Stream of Consciousness

There is a girl in my office who's boyfriend was recently run over by a bus and killed. She went from portly and bland to thin and attractive almost overnight. Is it wrong to think that this may be the next diet fad or that I see a reality show opportunity here? The show could be hosted by Dr. Phil, Joan Rivers, and the cast of Jackass. Dr. Phil would pretend to counsel the girl for being fat and having low self esteem, Rivers would rip apart her old wardrobe, then Johnny Knoxville and Bam would throw her boyfriend in front of a bus, or train, or tie him to a giant home made rocket and launch him into oblivion. Don't mock just because you didn't think of it first.

I think tall boots should be mandatory for girls year-round. Sometimes I make girls keep them on during sex. However, more often than not they leave vicious scrapes and chaffing on my side and hips.

It should be legal to stone drivers to death that "block the box".

I have found no place in DC where there is a higher concentration of hot girls than Chop't on 12th Street NW.

Whenever I think my life sucks I think of the attendant at my parking garage and how much his life blows then suddenly feel better.

Why is everyone dressing like it's 1982?

My dog took the loaded pistol I keep under my bed and buried it in my yard. It took me a thirty minutes, and many holes, to find the spot she buried it in. It was very unnerving digging up a gun that I knew had a hair-trigger. I probed the soil like I was searching for land mines.

If I'm having sex with a girl and she says "cum on me" does that mean anywhere I want?

If a girl lets you drink beer out of her shoe, she will let you sleep with her. Don't believe me? Try it.

If you're girlfriend asks "does this make me look fat?", and it does, should you tell her the truth?