Hide in her closet!

I will explain the name of this post a little later, bear with me.

Last night I felt like a stalker, a really big stalker, actually. While I was working out Gym Girl (GG from here on out, it's shorter) came in and immediately got onto a treadmill. Damnit, she snuck in on me.

GG rode that treadmill for a solid 40 minutes before I ran out of steam headed into the locker room for a shower. When I left the locker room she was still plugging away, sweating like a fiend but still looked sexy. As I left the gym I ran into the trainer and asked him if he knew her, he said "Yeah, sure, the tall one? She's a looker, isn't she! That's Kristen, she works upstairs at...", and told me the name of her company. This was good, at least I have a name.

Here's where the stalker part comes in. Of course I went back up to my office and Googled her. I didn't learn all that much about her, but I still felt like a sleaze ball. I generally have more balls than this and would just go up and talk to her, but I haven't had the opportunity. So, I've been reduced to searching a girls name on the web. What a douche.

I instantly regretted my behavior, the shame was overwhelming. I shot my (most sarcastic) buddy an email telling him what I did and if he thought I was a stalker.

Here is his response:

"That is a bit like a stalker. Give it time...you have to hit it right one of these days where she is off treadmill and you can comment on her endurance and get a feel for if she is one of those people that does not want to talk to anyone at the gym...if she is then you follow her home and hide in her closet until she is asleep."

Before you decided to report this to the police, he's only kidding...we always hide under the bed. No, seriously, just a little sarcasm.

Here's the background. One night in college D-Ron (the guy above) and my roommate Rock were playing video games in our friend Lohman's dorm room. Lohman hated when they were in there without him, so they locked the door. Later on they heard a key in the lock so they both jumped in his closet and hid. Lohman was coming from a Dorm dance with this hot chick named "Gorch".

D-Ron and Rock giggled hysterically while Lohman set the mood with music and then settled onto the couch with Gorch. Within minutes Lohman and Gorch were going at it, and the two dudes in the closet (literally, not figuratively) couldn't believe the Cuban Cinema they were getting. Gorch turned out to be a trooper and put on a real show for them. However, eventually their legs started to cramp so the carefully reached out and grabbed the phone, which was just outside the closet on the floor.

Lohman and Gorch were preoccupied and didn't see a thing. D-Ron called every number he knew, hoping someone could get them out of the room somehow. No luck, it was a Saturday night and everyone was out at the bars. D-Ron dialed a few more numbers, but after one call the phone began to ring after he hung up. Afraid Lohman would find them in the closet D-Ron just held the phone out of the closet on his two hands right next to the night table. Lohman answered the phone, and hung up when no one was on the other line.

D-Ron and Rock spent the next few hours inside a small closet sitting on shoes and dirty laundry while Lohman and Gorch went at it. Finally, Lohman walked Gorch home and Rock and D-Ron limped out of his room, legs cramped from sitting Indian Style for so long.

The next day at breakfast D-Ron and Rock asked Lohman how the dance was, to which he replied "It was OK". D-Ron persisted "Did you get any action?" Lohman said "No, we just kissed a little.". "REALLY? Are you sure you didn't get laid?" By now Lohman knew something was up and D-Ron and Rock lost their shit and began laughing. They told Lohman everything, and to this day they break his balls about the sappy music he put on.

That is the background behind "Hide in her closet".