Phone

I don't understand people who like to talk on the phone. ME is a talker. She likes to call even if she doesn't have something to talk about. This makes for very awkward stretches of silence with me holding a phone to my ear, waiting for her to make a point.

This happens often.

Take Wednesday for instance. I woke up at 4:30am, flew to Charlotte, worked a long day, then drove two and a half hours to Raleigh. As I was getting off the highway the phone rang and I knew exactly what was coming. It was ME.

I clicked answer and said hello.

"Oh, hi baby, what are you doing?"

"I'm just pulled into Raleigh, I'm getting off the highway. What're you up to?"

"Nothing, reading?"

So that about covers it, right? She asked me what I was doing, I told her, then asked what she was doing, and she told me. Am I obligated to ask another pointless question? I just saw her the night before, we spent three hours together. We talked about work, a vacation we are thinking of taking, an interview I had this week, my trip, her kid, how the AC in her car was broken, and that I was considering painting my house dark grey. Why do we have to talk everyday? Send me a text to say hello, or I'll send her one. You fucking know what I'm doing. I told you last night.

Continued long silence. All those thoughts scratched through my head like dirty fingernails on a chalkboard while she sat in silence on the other end of the line.

She said,

"You still there?"

"Yes, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing, I just wanted to say hello"

So she already said hello. Am I supposed to entertain her at this point? Ask her the blue questions from Trivial Pursuit? What? At least have more than one thing planned to say if you're going to call. I don't have shit. I was focusing all my attention on driving and navigating, which, incidentally, I can't do any longer because I'm now talking on my iPhone and can't see the map any longer.

"I gotta run, then, I'm getting lost"

"OK, call me later"

WHY!?!

I do see why ME likes to talk on the phone all day and I don't. Her job consists of reading and doing research. She has a quiet career. I'm on the phone all day. I scream and yell at movers, and electricians, and contractors, and architects for a living. Between my desk line, my work cell, and my personal cell, my office rings constantly. When I get home the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone. Especially if it's about nothing.

I was in a bad mood Wednesday. It was a rough day. But when I got off the phone with ME I had to really talk myself out of calling her right back and breaking up with her. I had a mini breakdown right there in I-40. I think we're too different to be together.