Rape Fantasy

When does sexual behavior cross from kinky to demented? What is the line between being sexual open and perverse? How do we determine when we've gone "too far" in bed?

One time ME and I were in line at the grocery store together and she was reading an article in Cosmopolitan about things guys like in bed, and she suddenly became very embarrassed. I asked what she read and it took me 30 minutes to pry out of her that the article noted how one guy wanted his girlfriend to play with his balls more. That was pretty tame, I thought it was going to say the guy wanted to be shit on or something. Then it occurred to me that to some people getting shit on is tame. Clearly this is a very subjective topic, but it's still interesting.

I've always been fascinated with people who have to set up a "safety word" before having sex. How does that conversation go? "OK, if I say 'Piano' you need to put the tiger back in the cage and disarm the C-4. Got it, 'Piano'". I suppose you have to be careful what you chose as a safety word. For instance, "harder" probably wouldn't be a good choice. I bet "dagger" isn't used very often either. My problem is that I have a shitty memory. I'd be tied up, getting the shit whipped out of me screaming "Pizza! Pearl! PEARL! Fuck, what was the goddamn safety word?".

I don't know why this pops into my head sometimes, but once in a while during sex I wonder what I would do if a girl put her finger in my mouth and asked me to bite a digit off. Could I follow through with that, or would I break skin them chicken out at the first taste of blood? I'm surprised by how often I think that exact thought.

I get how pain and sex can go together. They are similar sensations but on opposite ends of the spectrum, kind of like hot and cold. You know how sometimes you touch something and you're not quite sure if it's freezing cold or red hot. You hold your hand there for a second, then you think "Oh, that's nice, it's cool, or, cold. No holy fuck it's scalding hot", then jerk your hand away. Sex can be the same. Sometimes a little spanking or biting is nice, but there's a thin line between "nice" and getting read your miranda rights.

I don't think it would come as a surprise to anyone that I kind of like humiliating girls in bed. I like to cum on girls, tie them up, gag them, pour hot wax on them. But again, how far is too far? Where is the line crossed?

Frankly, I've been having sex for more than half my life, and I've never once had a girl ask me to do something and had to take a good hard look at myself, get introspective, and say "You know, I just don't think I can head down that road". Not once. And I feel like I'm missing out.

The problem, I suspect, is that I don't run in the right circles. My friends are pretty preppy and all come from what I would classify as "good" families, though I'm not sure that means the don't do weird shit in the bedroom. But I suspect that if I hung out with Hells Angels more I would be exposed to some really off the wall stuff.

One time in high school the girl I was dating said she had this rape fantasy that a guy would break into her house while she was home alone and force her into sex. After the initial shock of my 16 year old girlfriend telling me she wanted to be raped wore off, I filed that thought away in my head as "shit to remember". A few weeks later I was driving by her house and noticed that her car was in the driveway but both her parent's cars were gone. Seemed like a perfect opportunity to fulfil that fantasy. I parked the car at the end of her street and started snooping around the house. I saw my girlfriend in the living room vacuuming so I snuck back around to the garage, went in the back door, then tip-toed through the kitchen, dining room, and den so I could sneak up behind her.

The suspense was terrible, I was freaked the fuck out as I inched closer to her. The TV was on and the vacuum made a bunch of noise but I still felt like I was being louder than a Louisiana marching band coming up behind her. Every creak in the floor was amplified in my head by a factor of a million. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and all this crazy shit when through my head. "Should I tackle her? Should I take my dick out before I grab her? Will I be able to get hard? What if she hits me with the vacuum? When will her parents be home? Will the cops come? Is she wearing underwear? Does anyone in the house own a gun?"

When I finally got close enough I grabbed her around the waist with my left arm, tried to cup her mouth from behind with my right hand but missed and cupped her nose and poked her in one eye, then lifted her up and started to carry her backwards towards the couch.

However, the scream she let out when I grabbed her, the blood curdling, high pitched, primal terror shrill, was so awful that I froze up. In that second she arched her back, twisted around to the side, and elbowed me in the temple. So I dropped her.

We had great sex after that, but the scene really didn't play out like I thought it would and she didn't get to live out her rape fantasy from me that afternoon. But after she fucked this guy Ryan I knew while we were dating I always prayed she would get to live it out.