Yesterday morning I was walking through the office on my way to get a cup of coffee when one of the secretaries stopped me to introduce a new employee. I was looking at a newspaper and when I looked up I was blown away, she was unbelievably hot. This girl is trouble.
Trouble:
Trouble, is tall, around 5'8", skinny, with long wavy dirty blond hair. She has really light blue eyes and a fair complexion with faint freckles, but not in the little-kid kind of way, more like a surfer. She reminds me a lot of Kate Bosworth. Of course I cyber-stalked her and found out she's from California. I'm not sure if my impression is based on her look, where she's from, or the fact that she reminds me of Kate Bosworth, but Trouble's laid back surfer vibe is really hot.
Another reason this chick is trouble is because when I met her I had this...the only way I can describe it is a "rush". It felt like I had a hit of adrenaline. It's like that line in Beautiful Girls, "A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you been drinkin' Jack and coke all mornin'". I rarely get that feeling, maybe only a few times in my life, three or four total.
I know, I know, don't shit where you eat and don't fuck where you work, but I can't help myself in this case. The good news is that Trouble is on an 8-month rotation, so even if this thing blows up it basically can't last longer than her rotation. I would be less prone to get tangled up in a situation like this if she were a permanent employee in my office.
I sold one of my bikes in January and have been browsing craigslist looking for a replacement. After a few serious weeks of looking I bought a Harley last night. While still dangerous, I think a slower-paced bike will be good for my life expectancy. I pick it up Saturday morning and am looking forward to playing around with it this weekend.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Seat Up or Down
I was on a Tiny/Beads/Tiny rotation this weekend starting Friday night. I'm rapidly losing interest in both girls, though I find myself wishing I was more into Tiny because she's such a cool chick.
Friday night I took Tiny to see my friend's band play in Adam's Morgan. We got a little loopy at the show, had the obligatory giant slice of pizza at 2am, then went back to my place. Tiny was a little more vocal and adventurous from the booze and while we were fooling around she said "Do anything you want to me". In theory I like the concept of girls saying this, but in actuality, I'm never really certain what to do. I don't have anything in my sexual repertoire that is so outlandish that I keep it in a deep dark place, waiting for a girl to give me carte blanche access to her body. I've tied girls up, experimented with candle wax, done some mild S&M, but I can't help but think that there's something out there that I should be taking advantage of when girls say this. When in doubt I usually just say "How about anal?" Anal feels good because it's so tight, but it can be messy. I suppose the attraction to me is that it's taboo and shows tremendous trust on the girls part. So, I was surprised when tiny agreed, and shocked by how nonchalant she was about it, she just said "sure".
I started to think that maybe Tiny wasn't so reserved after all. Maybe she's this closet freak and just needed a little booze to come out. I was excited, I thought we had turned a corner and I was going to see the real Tiny. We lubed up, I slid in for 2 seconds, then she screamed, "It hurts, we have to stop!" So much for closet freak. The rest of the sex that night was pretty vanilla.
Saturday night Beads and I got some sushi, went to a movie, and then stayed at her place. Both her roommates were there and one had a friend from home in town for the weekend. Beads was really quiet during sex, which aggravates me because she's a screamer when we're at my place. While we were going at it I caught myself thinking "Yeah, great, bite the pillow while we're at your house but scream bloody murder at NN's place!"
In the middle of the night I went to the bathroom, and on the way back to the bedroom Bead's roommate's friend walked out of the other bedroom and we almost smashed into each other. It was a little awkward, me in my boxers, her in just a t-shirt. As I climbed into bed I heard a thud, a splash, and some cursing in the bathroom. I'm pretty sure she sat on the toilet without checking to see if the seat was down.
This brings up an important point. I lift the seat when I pee, it's the girl's responsibility to put it down before she sits. Why do women think it's out job to put the seat back down for them? Everyone should be responsible for their own toilet seat adjusting. Do I ask girls to lift the seat for me when they are done sitting? Of course not. So why should men be expected to put it back down when we're done?It's just ridiculous that ladies walk into a bathroom and sit down without checking if the seat is up. What the hell is wrong with you? I've had some major fights about this over the years, but I always win. It's one of the few relationship points I am unwilling to compromise on.
Side Note:
C-Roc's wife installed these certain toilet seat covers in all their bathrooms that have a little plastic ridge that makes it impossible to leave the seat up. If you lift it it presses against the cover and gravity slams the seat back down. To piss in his house you hold your dick with one hand and the seat up with your other. He says sometimes in the middle of the night he's so tired he sits when he pisses! Not only would I remove the covers, I would remove the whole toilet seat. You think you're funny, huh? I can be funny too (I realize I'll never live harmoniously with a woman).
Friday night I took Tiny to see my friend's band play in Adam's Morgan. We got a little loopy at the show, had the obligatory giant slice of pizza at 2am, then went back to my place. Tiny was a little more vocal and adventurous from the booze and while we were fooling around she said "Do anything you want to me". In theory I like the concept of girls saying this, but in actuality, I'm never really certain what to do. I don't have anything in my sexual repertoire that is so outlandish that I keep it in a deep dark place, waiting for a girl to give me carte blanche access to her body. I've tied girls up, experimented with candle wax, done some mild S&M, but I can't help but think that there's something out there that I should be taking advantage of when girls say this. When in doubt I usually just say "How about anal?" Anal feels good because it's so tight, but it can be messy. I suppose the attraction to me is that it's taboo and shows tremendous trust on the girls part. So, I was surprised when tiny agreed, and shocked by how nonchalant she was about it, she just said "sure".
I started to think that maybe Tiny wasn't so reserved after all. Maybe she's this closet freak and just needed a little booze to come out. I was excited, I thought we had turned a corner and I was going to see the real Tiny. We lubed up, I slid in for 2 seconds, then she screamed, "It hurts, we have to stop!" So much for closet freak. The rest of the sex that night was pretty vanilla.
Saturday night Beads and I got some sushi, went to a movie, and then stayed at her place. Both her roommates were there and one had a friend from home in town for the weekend. Beads was really quiet during sex, which aggravates me because she's a screamer when we're at my place. While we were going at it I caught myself thinking "Yeah, great, bite the pillow while we're at your house but scream bloody murder at NN's place!"
In the middle of the night I went to the bathroom, and on the way back to the bedroom Bead's roommate's friend walked out of the other bedroom and we almost smashed into each other. It was a little awkward, me in my boxers, her in just a t-shirt. As I climbed into bed I heard a thud, a splash, and some cursing in the bathroom. I'm pretty sure she sat on the toilet without checking to see if the seat was down.
This brings up an important point. I lift the seat when I pee, it's the girl's responsibility to put it down before she sits. Why do women think it's out job to put the seat back down for them? Everyone should be responsible for their own toilet seat adjusting. Do I ask girls to lift the seat for me when they are done sitting? Of course not. So why should men be expected to put it back down when we're done?It's just ridiculous that ladies walk into a bathroom and sit down without checking if the seat is up. What the hell is wrong with you? I've had some major fights about this over the years, but I always win. It's one of the few relationship points I am unwilling to compromise on.
Side Note:
C-Roc's wife installed these certain toilet seat covers in all their bathrooms that have a little plastic ridge that makes it impossible to leave the seat up. If you lift it it presses against the cover and gravity slams the seat back down. To piss in his house you hold your dick with one hand and the seat up with your other. He says sometimes in the middle of the night he's so tired he sits when he pisses! Not only would I remove the covers, I would remove the whole toilet seat. You think you're funny, huh? I can be funny too (I realize I'll never live harmoniously with a woman).
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Mini Mouse
A painfully shy girl in my gym has been trying for months to introduce herself. I can see her summoning the courage to say hello then chickening out. She's an extremely innocent but cute first year lawyer in my building (I did some research). I have conflicting feelings on the matter. She's sexy and I wouldn't mind a quick romp but I can tell I would never date her, she's far too quiet and shy. I wonder, do I have a moral obligation not to fuck her because I know it would end at that? Do I have moral obligation TO fuck just because I know I can?
Mini Mouse: She's medium height, about 5'6", but petite, and very in-shape with a rock hard body. She has a cute face that for some reason reminds me of a mouse, so I'm going to call her Mini Mouse.
Mini Mouse (MM) runs in a sports bra and tiny little black spandex shorts, with the most blatant camel-toe I've ever seen, every damn day. It's like seeing a stack of hundred dollar bills sitting on the sidewalk. I want the money but I know it's wrong to take it. The temptation is overwhelming.
Here's another factor to consider. Sometimes chicks that seem shy are really bat shit crazy and sexual predators, she could be a dominatrix in her spare time for all I know. Bear is a perfect example of this. I tend to think that if she turns out to be aggressive in that way I'm not doing anything wrong sleeping with her.
I know exactly how this would go down. I'd say hello to her and segway into "Hey, why don't we get drinks some Friday after work?" Then you could draw an approximate line between Old Ebbitt Grill and my house, with about 5 bar stops and a sloppy cab ride make-out in between, and you'd have a fairly accurate trajectory for the evening. There would be a few rounds of gymnastic sex at my place, an awkward ride to the office in the morning, and two to three weeks of strained text messaging. We'd alter our gym schedules then eventually I would be referred to as "That asshole who never called" and she would be "The chick from the gym who [insert strange sexual preference or carnal noise]".
Mini Mouse: She's medium height, about 5'6", but petite, and very in-shape with a rock hard body. She has a cute face that for some reason reminds me of a mouse, so I'm going to call her Mini Mouse.
Mini Mouse (MM) runs in a sports bra and tiny little black spandex shorts, with the most blatant camel-toe I've ever seen, every damn day. It's like seeing a stack of hundred dollar bills sitting on the sidewalk. I want the money but I know it's wrong to take it. The temptation is overwhelming.
Here's another factor to consider. Sometimes chicks that seem shy are really bat shit crazy and sexual predators, she could be a dominatrix in her spare time for all I know. Bear is a perfect example of this. I tend to think that if she turns out to be aggressive in that way I'm not doing anything wrong sleeping with her.
I know exactly how this would go down. I'd say hello to her and segway into "Hey, why don't we get drinks some Friday after work?" Then you could draw an approximate line between Old Ebbitt Grill and my house, with about 5 bar stops and a sloppy cab ride make-out in between, and you'd have a fairly accurate trajectory for the evening. There would be a few rounds of gymnastic sex at my place, an awkward ride to the office in the morning, and two to three weeks of strained text messaging. We'd alter our gym schedules then eventually I would be referred to as "That asshole who never called" and she would be "The chick from the gym who [insert strange sexual preference or carnal noise]".
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
DC Eats
Dating in Washington, like in any large city, can be an expensive endeavor. It's easy to blow a few hundred bucks a night here and still go home hungry and sober. But it doesn't have to be that way. There are some great places in DC that are both affordable and have a fun atmosphere for a date.
My theory on the DC food scene is that this that the city has a relative lack of mass of quality restaurants. In my opinion, DC is still in the early phases of a metropolitian renaissance. Neighborhoods are emerging, apartment towers are rising, and the infrastructure to support this influx of people naturally lags by several years. Dry cleaners, grocery stores, bank branches, pharmacies, the basics needed to support a working life, take time to backfill in neighborhoods during and after gentrification. Restaurants usually are in the third wave of development (with the exception of "planned communities") because they are generally smaller investors and less likely to gamble on emerging areas than, say, a national bank branch.
There are a few things I keep in mind when dining out: expensive doesn't always equate to good, I shouldn't leave a restaurant and want a burger two hours later, and if I can make it better at home it's not worth going out for. Below are some places that meet the above criteria and are good venues for dates.
Matchbox
You can't go wrong with either Matchbox location, it's perfect for a relaxed dinner or to grab a bite before a movie. The food is consistent, they have an awesome beer and wine selection, and the service is friendly and spot on. The lines are almost always long, but it's a good excuse to have a drink and chat with a date at the bar. Try the pizzas, and don't leave without ordering at least three sliders, they come covered in string-cut onion rings that I'd like to make a nest out of and live in.
Bistro du Coin
Bistro is a little more expensive and is usually my choice for a third or fourth date. The food is fucking fantastic, I've had most of the items on the menu and have never been disappointed. I highly recommend the foie gras, even if you think it's cruel for the goose. The restaurant is super-vibrant bordering on noisy, but this adds to the energy and thus makes it a fun place for a date. Expect at short wait most week nights and always on the weekends, it's worth it.
Granville Moore.s
This is literally a hole in the wall on H Street that serves some of the best Moules and Frites around (that's mussels and fries to you dopes like me). Try any of them. Screw it, try them all, but finish them, you can't take them home as leftovers. The prices are really affordable so long as you don't go bananas on the extensive Belgium beer list. The place is gritty, though, and isn't for everyone. If your chick spends more than ten minutes on her makeup or says "fabulous" a lot she probably won't be amused by Moore's "character".
Taqueria Nacional
This is more a taco stand not a restuarant, and is only open M-F from 9-3pm, so it's only good for weekday lunch dates. Oh, and there are only a few outdoor seats. Yeah, forgot to mention that you're going to wait in line for a while to order, then a little longer to actually get your food, and when it comes it's in cardboard containers. But they are the best goddamn tacos in the city, period. You have to get at least one fish taco. Actually, I suggest you get one of each kind of taco, they aren't that big. I've literally eaten them (many times) sitting on the curb in front of the building and been totally content. If I dropped one on the street I would pick it up and eat it, even if I was on a date and she saw me drop it. They are that good. Just go there.
Lola's
If you're on the Hill and looking for a chill place to get drinks and some good pub grub Lola's is terrific. It's especially good in the summer before a Nat's game because you can walk or grab a shuttle to the stadium. The bartenders are fun, the place has a cool vibe, and it's reasonably priced. I often see statesman and bikers enjoying cocktails shoulder to shoulder. I also recommend the fish tacos here. They aren't the same style as TN above, but they are still tasty in their own way.
RAKU
This is one of the best places in the city for a casual date. I once heard Raku described as "an Asian diner", and I think that's really accurate. It's great food, good portions, but 100% unpretentious. The sushi, Thai food, and noodle bowls are all top notch. This place probably won't get you laid but you will leave full and happy.
Cafe Belga
I had a buddy whose wife worked with the Belgian embassy, and she said this is the restaurant of choice for all the Begian diplomats, so I gave it a shot one night. I have to say that was the best restaurant reocmmendation I've received to date in DC. Belga is the cat's pajamas. It's slightly more expensive than the other places I've mentioned, so this is a good restaurant if you're looking to seal the deal. It's refined without coming off as stuffy. I suggest leaving your order up to the very knowledgeable wait staff. Let them select their favorite dish and pair it with a beer, I've never had them break the bank on me. Oh, and don't be surprised to see a few tables of giant dudes in black suits with ear pieces, it's not uncommon for dignitaries to eat here with their detail.
Sonoma
Sonoma is a stalwart to policy makers and Hill staffers alike, and in my estimation, has the best eats on Pennsylvania Ave. They also have an extensive wine list that has lots of reasonably priced options. I really like Sonoma for "drinks and apps" at the bar. Try a Charcuterie platter, which is an assortment of cured meats and cheeses, they are really unusual. I also like the "Lardo" appetizer. Like most good things, you don't want to know what it is, and you shouldn't eat it very often, but it tastes fucking fantastic.
Try a few and let me know what you think.
My theory on the DC food scene is that this that the city has a relative lack of mass of quality restaurants. In my opinion, DC is still in the early phases of a metropolitian renaissance. Neighborhoods are emerging, apartment towers are rising, and the infrastructure to support this influx of people naturally lags by several years. Dry cleaners, grocery stores, bank branches, pharmacies, the basics needed to support a working life, take time to backfill in neighborhoods during and after gentrification. Restaurants usually are in the third wave of development (with the exception of "planned communities") because they are generally smaller investors and less likely to gamble on emerging areas than, say, a national bank branch.
There are a few things I keep in mind when dining out: expensive doesn't always equate to good, I shouldn't leave a restaurant and want a burger two hours later, and if I can make it better at home it's not worth going out for. Below are some places that meet the above criteria and are good venues for dates.
Matchbox
You can't go wrong with either Matchbox location, it's perfect for a relaxed dinner or to grab a bite before a movie. The food is consistent, they have an awesome beer and wine selection, and the service is friendly and spot on. The lines are almost always long, but it's a good excuse to have a drink and chat with a date at the bar. Try the pizzas, and don't leave without ordering at least three sliders, they come covered in string-cut onion rings that I'd like to make a nest out of and live in.
Bistro du Coin
Bistro is a little more expensive and is usually my choice for a third or fourth date. The food is fucking fantastic, I've had most of the items on the menu and have never been disappointed. I highly recommend the foie gras, even if you think it's cruel for the goose. The restaurant is super-vibrant bordering on noisy, but this adds to the energy and thus makes it a fun place for a date. Expect at short wait most week nights and always on the weekends, it's worth it.
Granville Moore.s
This is literally a hole in the wall on H Street that serves some of the best Moules and Frites around (that's mussels and fries to you dopes like me). Try any of them. Screw it, try them all, but finish them, you can't take them home as leftovers. The prices are really affordable so long as you don't go bananas on the extensive Belgium beer list. The place is gritty, though, and isn't for everyone. If your chick spends more than ten minutes on her makeup or says "fabulous" a lot she probably won't be amused by Moore's "character".
Taqueria Nacional
This is more a taco stand not a restuarant, and is only open M-F from 9-3pm, so it's only good for weekday lunch dates. Oh, and there are only a few outdoor seats. Yeah, forgot to mention that you're going to wait in line for a while to order, then a little longer to actually get your food, and when it comes it's in cardboard containers. But they are the best goddamn tacos in the city, period. You have to get at least one fish taco. Actually, I suggest you get one of each kind of taco, they aren't that big. I've literally eaten them (many times) sitting on the curb in front of the building and been totally content. If I dropped one on the street I would pick it up and eat it, even if I was on a date and she saw me drop it. They are that good. Just go there.
Lola's
If you're on the Hill and looking for a chill place to get drinks and some good pub grub Lola's is terrific. It's especially good in the summer before a Nat's game because you can walk or grab a shuttle to the stadium. The bartenders are fun, the place has a cool vibe, and it's reasonably priced. I often see statesman and bikers enjoying cocktails shoulder to shoulder. I also recommend the fish tacos here. They aren't the same style as TN above, but they are still tasty in their own way.
RAKU
This is one of the best places in the city for a casual date. I once heard Raku described as "an Asian diner", and I think that's really accurate. It's great food, good portions, but 100% unpretentious. The sushi, Thai food, and noodle bowls are all top notch. This place probably won't get you laid but you will leave full and happy.
Cafe Belga
I had a buddy whose wife worked with the Belgian embassy, and she said this is the restaurant of choice for all the Begian diplomats, so I gave it a shot one night. I have to say that was the best restaurant reocmmendation I've received to date in DC. Belga is the cat's pajamas. It's slightly more expensive than the other places I've mentioned, so this is a good restaurant if you're looking to seal the deal. It's refined without coming off as stuffy. I suggest leaving your order up to the very knowledgeable wait staff. Let them select their favorite dish and pair it with a beer, I've never had them break the bank on me. Oh, and don't be surprised to see a few tables of giant dudes in black suits with ear pieces, it's not uncommon for dignitaries to eat here with their detail.
Sonoma
Sonoma is a stalwart to policy makers and Hill staffers alike, and in my estimation, has the best eats on Pennsylvania Ave. They also have an extensive wine list that has lots of reasonably priced options. I really like Sonoma for "drinks and apps" at the bar. Try a Charcuterie platter, which is an assortment of cured meats and cheeses, they are really unusual. I also like the "Lardo" appetizer. Like most good things, you don't want to know what it is, and you shouldn't eat it very often, but it tastes fucking fantastic.
Try a few and let me know what you think.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Close Call
I know it's a small world and all, but this weekend was ridiculous. Tiny moved into a new apartment and she has a roommate...
Before I get into that, Beads came over Friday night. She left Saturday morning for vacation with one of her girlfriends and I offered her a ride to the airport. She conveniently withheld that her flight was at 7am until I had already committed her giving her a ride.
Saturday night I got drinks with Tiny. She just moved into a new apartment so I swung by there to see the new place. I would like to take some base readings on the cleanliness of the house. At move-in the kitchen and bathrooms are very clean. There are boxes all over the place, which is to be expected. Overall, I give the joint a 7 on the cleanliness scale, where 10 is operating room sterile.
At the bar Tiny and I had a conversation that went something like this:
T: I've known my roommate for a long time, from home, and it was just a good fit.
NN: Nice, did you go to high school together?
T: No, she's from the next town over, X (and named the town, a very small suburb in Ohio)
NN: Well, that's good, it's hard to find people to live with (thinking to myself: 'that town sounds familiar')
More random banter...
T: She just broke up with some guy, and her lease was up...
More talking...
NN: (thinking to myself: 'I think Kay was from that town. And I think they went to the same college')
T: You're kind of quiet, what's up?
NN: What did you say your new roommate's name was?
T: Kay
You've got to be shitting me.
The odds were pretty long that it was the same Kay, but there were also a lot of similarities. There is a six year age difference, but Kay and Tiny grew up in the same town, went to the same college, and Kay has a brother exactly Tiny's age. It was plausible that they knew each other. Also, Kay's lease is up right about now. No fucking way.
I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. The right words never came, and I'm certain I had a look on my face like I was constipated or something. I should have asked point-blank what her last name was, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was like I seized up. I had a sudden hot flash and my brain went blank. Then, too long had passed for me to ask so it became even more awkward.
We got back to Tiny's house late and Kay was still out at a party. Tiny and I went to bed and had sex a bunch of times, though to say "I was distracted" would be a monumental understatement. There I am having wild spanking sex while my ex could be three feet away from me listening.
In the morning Tiny and I walked out of her room and Kay's bedroom door was shut. As I walked through the living room I looked for any sign that "Roommate Kay" could be "NN's Ex Kay", but they hadn't unpacked enough for me to tell. There weren't any pictures or anything else to say definitively one way or another.
As I reached for my coat I held up a giant black overcoat that was laying on top of mine and said to Tiny "Is Kay a big girl?". The coat was roughly 60% larger than my size. She said "No, not at all. I guess she broke in the new apartment last night too".
I finally said "Um, I know a girl Kay from your area, does your roommate have a brother who lives in DC?" I couldn't bring myself to say Kay's last name. Tiny said "No".
Woohoo, clear!
It was pretty bad there for a while. Lots of crazy thoughts rushed into my head. The idea that I was sleeping with a girl that could be Kay's roommate was...unsettling. I don't think I could have handled it.
Last night Tiny came over to my place for dinner and invited herself to stay over. I wasn't feeling well, and just wanted to get a good night's sleep. Tiny had other plans, though, and when I said "Well, it's getting pretty late, I think I'm going to hit the sack (worded exactly that way)", Tiny said "Yup, I'm pretty tired too. I'll meet you in there, I have to use the bathroom first."
I will chalk it up to a miscommunication.
Before I get into that, Beads came over Friday night. She left Saturday morning for vacation with one of her girlfriends and I offered her a ride to the airport. She conveniently withheld that her flight was at 7am until I had already committed her giving her a ride.
Saturday night I got drinks with Tiny. She just moved into a new apartment so I swung by there to see the new place. I would like to take some base readings on the cleanliness of the house. At move-in the kitchen and bathrooms are very clean. There are boxes all over the place, which is to be expected. Overall, I give the joint a 7 on the cleanliness scale, where 10 is operating room sterile.
At the bar Tiny and I had a conversation that went something like this:
T: I've known my roommate for a long time, from home, and it was just a good fit.
NN: Nice, did you go to high school together?
T: No, she's from the next town over, X (and named the town, a very small suburb in Ohio)
NN: Well, that's good, it's hard to find people to live with (thinking to myself: 'that town sounds familiar')
More random banter...
T: She just broke up with some guy, and her lease was up...
More talking...
NN: (thinking to myself: 'I think Kay was from that town. And I think they went to the same college')
T: You're kind of quiet, what's up?
NN: What did you say your new roommate's name was?
T: Kay
You've got to be shitting me.
The odds were pretty long that it was the same Kay, but there were also a lot of similarities. There is a six year age difference, but Kay and Tiny grew up in the same town, went to the same college, and Kay has a brother exactly Tiny's age. It was plausible that they knew each other. Also, Kay's lease is up right about now. No fucking way.
I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. The right words never came, and I'm certain I had a look on my face like I was constipated or something. I should have asked point-blank what her last name was, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was like I seized up. I had a sudden hot flash and my brain went blank. Then, too long had passed for me to ask so it became even more awkward.
We got back to Tiny's house late and Kay was still out at a party. Tiny and I went to bed and had sex a bunch of times, though to say "I was distracted" would be a monumental understatement. There I am having wild spanking sex while my ex could be three feet away from me listening.
In the morning Tiny and I walked out of her room and Kay's bedroom door was shut. As I walked through the living room I looked for any sign that "Roommate Kay" could be "NN's Ex Kay", but they hadn't unpacked enough for me to tell. There weren't any pictures or anything else to say definitively one way or another.
As I reached for my coat I held up a giant black overcoat that was laying on top of mine and said to Tiny "Is Kay a big girl?". The coat was roughly 60% larger than my size. She said "No, not at all. I guess she broke in the new apartment last night too".
I finally said "Um, I know a girl Kay from your area, does your roommate have a brother who lives in DC?" I couldn't bring myself to say Kay's last name. Tiny said "No".
Woohoo, clear!
It was pretty bad there for a while. Lots of crazy thoughts rushed into my head. The idea that I was sleeping with a girl that could be Kay's roommate was...unsettling. I don't think I could have handled it.
Last night Tiny came over to my place for dinner and invited herself to stay over. I wasn't feeling well, and just wanted to get a good night's sleep. Tiny had other plans, though, and when I said "Well, it's getting pretty late, I think I'm going to hit the sack (worded exactly that way)", Tiny said "Yup, I'm pretty tired too. I'll meet you in there, I have to use the bathroom first."
I will chalk it up to a miscommunication.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Babies
I currently have three buddies with pregnant wives, and one more trying to get his wife pregnant for the second time. Babies are hard to have, and hard to raise. The big surprise to me is how hard they are to make. Who knew baby-making was such difficult business. One out of every two of my friends' wives had miscarriages at least once, and roughly the same percentage had difficulty conceiving at all and had to use various fertility drugs to help the process along. I don't want to sounds preachy here, and I'm all for kids so long as they aren't mine, but what's the rush? I can't help but think that all this pressure to have babies may be a big part of the problem conceiving.
One of my friends has a three year old, and he and his wife are trying for their second, and are having some issues. They had their first child the old fashioned way, au-natural, but they are getting a little impatient this time around and decided to try a infertility clinic. He went to the clinic on Monday to test his sperm count and received the following instructions: ejaculate Monday, abstain from ejaculation (whether by sex or masturbation) Tuesday through Friday, then come into the clinic at 8am Friday and ejaculate into a cup.
I suppose if you're really committed to having another kid this is no big deal, but to me it sounds pretty invasive. There are a few things I will allow people to tell me I can and can't do, but I draw the line at my ejaculation schedule.
Let's set that aside for a moment and talk about Friday morning. You could really have some fun with that. Wouldn't it be great to show up Friday morning with your wife, a swing, and maybe a baboon, a set of golf clubs and a vacuum, then make believe it's business as usual. You know, roll in a hand truck with all these really outlandish props then disappear into the room and come out four or five hours later all sweaty with the cup filled to the brim with jizz. If I'm ever put in this scenario, and those are really long odds, I would have to come up with a way to give those nurses something to remember me by.
I wanted to know if it had to be a solo act. Can you go in with your wife? Why do you have to jerk off, couldn't you get head then cum in the cup? He didn't know the answer to that, and I was like "You mean you didn't fucking ask?". That would be the first thing I'd want to know.
But my friend is pretty conservative, and would never do any of this nonsense. I established he was going in alone, so my second question to him was "How long are you going to stay in the room?", do you go in for a quickie jerk like you're expecting your wife to come home at any moment, or do you make yourself comfortable and check out their porn collection. Because, really, there isn't anything more exciting than a new porn stash. I can see me going in there at 8am, and coming out of the room and finding all the lights off and the place locked up for the weekend. I wouldn't even care, I'd just do a u-turn and go right back in the room. I'd be happy as a clown snapping it until Monday morning.
If you think about it, that whole situation is potentially embarrassing to most people. Few things in society are more taboo than masturbation, and there you are walking down the hallway with a cup that you're about to jerk off into. Of all the nonsense women have to endure in life, OBGYN appointments, mammograms, giving birth, jerking off into a cup is the one honor we guys keep all to ourselves, and it's a big one.
One of my friends has a three year old, and he and his wife are trying for their second, and are having some issues. They had their first child the old fashioned way, au-natural, but they are getting a little impatient this time around and decided to try a infertility clinic. He went to the clinic on Monday to test his sperm count and received the following instructions: ejaculate Monday, abstain from ejaculation (whether by sex or masturbation) Tuesday through Friday, then come into the clinic at 8am Friday and ejaculate into a cup.
I suppose if you're really committed to having another kid this is no big deal, but to me it sounds pretty invasive. There are a few things I will allow people to tell me I can and can't do, but I draw the line at my ejaculation schedule.
Let's set that aside for a moment and talk about Friday morning. You could really have some fun with that. Wouldn't it be great to show up Friday morning with your wife, a swing, and maybe a baboon, a set of golf clubs and a vacuum, then make believe it's business as usual. You know, roll in a hand truck with all these really outlandish props then disappear into the room and come out four or five hours later all sweaty with the cup filled to the brim with jizz. If I'm ever put in this scenario, and those are really long odds, I would have to come up with a way to give those nurses something to remember me by.
I wanted to know if it had to be a solo act. Can you go in with your wife? Why do you have to jerk off, couldn't you get head then cum in the cup? He didn't know the answer to that, and I was like "You mean you didn't fucking ask?". That would be the first thing I'd want to know.
But my friend is pretty conservative, and would never do any of this nonsense. I established he was going in alone, so my second question to him was "How long are you going to stay in the room?", do you go in for a quickie jerk like you're expecting your wife to come home at any moment, or do you make yourself comfortable and check out their porn collection. Because, really, there isn't anything more exciting than a new porn stash. I can see me going in there at 8am, and coming out of the room and finding all the lights off and the place locked up for the weekend. I wouldn't even care, I'd just do a u-turn and go right back in the room. I'd be happy as a clown snapping it until Monday morning.
If you think about it, that whole situation is potentially embarrassing to most people. Few things in society are more taboo than masturbation, and there you are walking down the hallway with a cup that you're about to jerk off into. Of all the nonsense women have to endure in life, OBGYN appointments, mammograms, giving birth, jerking off into a cup is the one honor we guys keep all to ourselves, and it's a big one.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Lawson's Deli
I went to Lawson's Deli today for lunch and ran into one of the hottest girls I've ever seen in person. I was leaving and she was walking to get napkins when we passed each other and made eye contact. She smiled, and I tucked tail and went into shy pussy mode. I'm so disappointed in myself.
The girl was about 25, long blond hair, very pretty face, and was wearing a t-shirt, black leggings, and slippers. She probably just came from the gym, and she still looked stunning.
There's a saying that goes something like this: "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." I think Tony Robbins said it. I interpret it that you must take risks to better yourself. In regards to my dating life, perhaps I'm underwhelmed by the girls in DC because I am content to pluck the low hanging fruit. I don't take any risks.
It frustrates me that I can be so bold in some instances and such an impotent twerp others. I should have walked right up to her, introduced myself, and asked her for her number. Why is the fear of rejection so powerful?
The girl was about 25, long blond hair, very pretty face, and was wearing a t-shirt, black leggings, and slippers. She probably just came from the gym, and she still looked stunning.
There's a saying that goes something like this: "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." I think Tony Robbins said it. I interpret it that you must take risks to better yourself. In regards to my dating life, perhaps I'm underwhelmed by the girls in DC because I am content to pluck the low hanging fruit. I don't take any risks.
It frustrates me that I can be so bold in some instances and such an impotent twerp others. I should have walked right up to her, introduced myself, and asked her for her number. Why is the fear of rejection so powerful?
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